Giving the World the 'D'(xD)
by Kitsune-Dama
Summary: "Man, oh man. Angels, Fallen Angels, Devils, Yokai, Dragons, Immortals, GODS? Geez, back in my day, all we had were Shinigami and Hollows, and maybe, MAYBE, if you were lucky, a Quincy- but those were rare delicacies, at BEST!" "Mu, you're ranting again." "Shut up, this is my story, I can rant and rave if I god dang please... Heh, God, get it?" "Yes, I think we all got it."
1. I see your peace, and raise you a war!

**Yeah, yeah. I know I said I would be updating soon, and for a different story, but this shit takes time, damn it! Plus I have really been out of it lately; have no inspiration to do my stories and just want to right random crap instead- which is where this comes in!**

 **Well, actually, I wrote this nearly a full year ago and decided not to publish it at the time because I thought my RWBY story would be better and because this one had a lot of issues with it that I didn't want to fix at the time, but, hey! We're here now, aren't we?**

 **Anyway, I will probably write a few chapters of this for a while with no other updates for my other stories(Well, maybe for my Naruto one as the next chapter is about half way done, but other than that, it's most likely it.) so you better start liking the D... xD, I mean... Yyyyyyyyeah.**

 **PRAISE BE TO THE SENPAI EMPIRE!**

"Okay, men, you know the game plan; get in, kick anything you see's ass, retrieve whatever information you can find, get out, then lunch- and it's dino-nuggets today, maggots, so let's go, go, go!" Taking my small strike team with me, I headed towards the 'Apparently' abandoned church, stopping just outside it's entrance and crouching down with the rest of my team. "Alright, now, while the mission details couldn't _possibly_ be any simpler than they already are, I can't afford to forget what idiots I'm working with right now, so any questions before we begin" Everyone raised their hands.

"Any questions _besides_ why you're here right now?"

That dropped them rather fast.

"Of course- now, from what the information I received earlier tells me, whatever is inside this hunk of junk, is more than just normal hoomahns, and their normal stupid hoomahn activities like humping each other in a frenzy, watching ecchi anime and reading pornography, or playing childrens card games that could mean the end of the world as we know it. Don't know what that could possibly mean in the slightest, so be prepared to go up against mutants, aliens, gingers, or some amalgamation of the three; things like tentacle monsters, Superman, Carrot Top, or Superman like tentacle monsters with fire crotches. But, that's beside the point- actually, I don't even remember what the point _is_ anymore, so I'm just going to continue on with my life. Oftendistracted, Kol, and Acnologia- PUT YOUR DAMN PANTS BACK ON YOU DUMB ASS! Ahem, _anyway_ , you three will run interference with anything that's inside the building, and _yes_ , by interference, I mean _murder_ , while Carnage will sneak in, undetected, and find out everything he can about the place while you guys are busy fighting. I don't care how you find the information, root around in a dead mans underwear for all I care, but find anything of importance, and show me afterwards out here. Any questions?" More raised hands. "Rhetorical question requires rhetorical answer: Your mother's. Now MOVE!" Barking out the orders, the three distractions scrambled around for a bit before moving across the yards to get into position to sneak attack everyone inside all at one time while the sneakster just grumbled and started ambling towards the roof of the place.

"So hard to find good help these days, I swear." Taking out a cancer stick from a pack in my white coats pocket, I stuck it in my mouth and lit it up with a small flame produced by my finger. "I mean, really. If we were investigating the disappearance of the 'Supposed' Mayor in this town, why did Lsm send me with some of the most incompetent people I could have found on such an important mission? This is _Japan_ we're talking about; this is OUR territory, and if someone, or some _thing_ if what I'm lead to believe is true, is fucking with it, we should be on them like hounds to the hunt!" Breathing out, smoke slowly billowed from my mouth as I shook my head. "Ugh. I _really_ need to remember that this isn't a war zone anymore, but god damn it if this peace time doesn't piss me the hell off; back then, we would have just sent out Team Peace to give out some well deserved ass-kickings and to show who the hell runs these streets… Ironically, in the name of peace." Dropping the now used up cigarette to the ground and stepping on it, I looked around the area again. "Speaking of peace, why the hell is it so quiet? They should have all been in place by now, god damn it! Why isn't there any-"

 **BOOM!**

"Ah, there it is." Making my way over to one of the panes of glass allowing light to seep into the church, I looked in as the strike force fought against dozens of people; most in church apparel, looking like priests, while some had bizarre outfits that I couldn't make heads or tails of. "Yeesh, when I went on this mission with these people, I had thought it was going to be a suicide mission- _for them_." But, as I watched my fellow Hollows create Bala's and eviscerate their foes, slash out bowels and guts with their swords, or just punch some skulls in, I couldn't help but feel as if I had been horribly wrong in that assumption.

Which meant only one of two things:

Either the people I was sent with were more competent than I gave them credit for(Which, upon seeing Often running around flailing his arms like a chicken shooting out Bala's randomly, Kol throwing around hastily made wooden objects(Wooden dildoes seemed to be the favorite here-), Acnologia taking off his pants and throwing it at someone's face, and then his _underwear_ at another, while Carnage just kicked fallen bodies and poked others with sticks, I am lead to believe is not the case.), or- these idiots we were up against just really, really, _sucked_.

Breaking the pane of glass as I shoved my way through it, I looked around the now barren(Of hoomahns, at least.) room, littered with bodies and drenched in the stench of blood. "Clean up on aisle everything-" I muttered as I accidentally stepped in a puddle of blood(One of many, actually-), and had to shake my foot to get the residue off my boot. "Alright, I want everything in this place cleaned the hell up- as soon as you see a Plus escaping one of these things, eat it the fuck up for all I care, then get rid of the bodies. I also want the blood and leftover Reishi from our presence here cleared, as well as everything as neat and orderly as we found it- now you have your orders, do them." The task force hastily and clumsily straightened their posture and saluted. "Hai, Curandero-Sama!" "Good. Carnage!" "Yo." The lazy Hollow slowly made his way to me from the other end of the room as the others started scrambling to do their jobs.

"Anything interesting- about the missing mayor, whoever could have captured the mayor, or even what kind of underwear she was wearing when she was kidnapped?" "No, no, and black lace with a red trim." "Damn, that's sexy- anything else?" "Yeah, actually. You might want to get a look at this." Following him to the back of the church, we stopped at the altar, where he then proceeded to kick it back, revealing a set of stairs. "Really, a hidden staircase beneath the altar? What is this, Scooby Doo?" Grumbling at the stupidity of it all, I motioned for Carnage to stay up here as I made my way down the stairs.

"Tch. As if carrying a couple of dumbbells around wasn't exercise enough." I cricked my neck as I finally made it to the bottom of the stairwell, looking at a set of intricate double doors that lead to who knows where. Leaning forward and pressing my ear to the door, I couldn't hear even a single peep inside. "Either no one's there, or, the likelier of the two options, it's sound proof. Oh well-" Deciding to sneak a peek at whatever was on the other side of the door(I was hoping it was the girl's locker room!), I was unprepared for what I saw when I opened the door a tiny bit.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

"Jesus fucking Christ, my ear drums just got raped!" Moving away from the door and the screaming while I clenched my ears, I shook my head to help get rid of the ringing(Though strangely, the ringing didn't pop up until I spoke that sentence-). As soon as I could at least hear somewhat again, I walked back to the door where the screaming was being produced and glanced inside.

What I was _not_ expecting was to see a young boy chained to some kind of futuristic cross with a weird seal arrangement glowing on his chest as four women in various outfits with black angel wings(Wow, racist much?) on their backs surrounded him and watched intently as the boy apparently seemed to suffer(If the screams were anything to go by, anyway.). Not being one who could just sit around and do nothing while an innocent person is suffering(Well, at least when I am getting paid to _prevent_ it, anyway.), I slowly and silently made my way over to them.

"Yes, YES! The Sacred Gear-" Sacred Gear? The hell is that- and does it taste delicious? "-is MINE!" Whoops, missed a part of what that leader girl was saying; oh well. Not wanting this to go on longer than it already had, I took out my blade, made my way over to the girl who was furthest from the rest of the group, and grabbed her from behind, covering her mouth as I quickly slit her throat. Waiting for her to choke to death on her own blood, I dropped her to the floor as soon as she had and made my way to the next one.

Unluckily for me, I hadn't dropped her as quietly as I had imagined(Either that, or these people have some kind of super-hoomahn hearing that would give Superman a run for his money-), and one of the girls turned around to see what it was, only to go wide eyed as she saw the deceased corpse of her former comrade. "MITTELT-" That was all she was able to get out before her head rolled away from her shoulders. "Well, that was a shame, she really seemed to have a good head on her shoulders; too bad it seemed to have gotten away from her." Chuckling at my own joke, the other two people(Or the people who weren't out of it, at least-) in the room quickly looked over in shock as they saw two of their own already dead by some unknown douchebag(Hey, that's me!). "Karawarna!" Growling, the only remaining lacky charged forward in the hopes of defeating me(Pffffffft-) as the leader stared, wide eyed. "Dounashiku, don't-" Too late, because as soon as she was within striking distance, my unoccupied hand shot forward, leaving an indent in her throat, leaving her choking for air as I took advantage of that and slashed at her waist.

"Look, I made a smiley face!" I grinned proudly as her outfit ripped apart, revealing the slashes I had made did make a smiley face, that soon turned horrific as the blood started leaking out of the wounds. Not caring at the least, I bitch slapped the paling woman across the room, leaving her to rot as I made my way to the last grown person in the room. "And another one bites the dust- and another one gone, and another one gone, and another one bites the dust!" I grinned merrily as the last one started to shake and look around, trying to figure out how she would escape. "Yeah, let me just clarify right now-" Disappearing from my spot in front of her, I reappeared behind her, grabbing ahold of her left wing(Which actually felt surprisingly soft, almost like a real- no fucking way.) and throwing her into the wall next to us and onto the floor. "No escapé."

Wanting to ensure she couldn't escape(And also to sate my curiosity-), I brought up my sword again, and slashed clean through her wing as she got up off the ground, with it actually surprising me as it fell off in a shower of blood, the lady screeching bloody murder in the meantime as she clutched the destroyed stump. "Huh. I wonder if that's how chickens feel every time someone wants a fried wing." Scratching my chin in thought, I was broken from it as I was reminded of the screaming kid behind me(Who's voice at this point had gone hoarse from screaming non-stop for god knows how long.) who was still being tortured. "Right; forgot about that." Looking down at the woman(Who, now that I was looking closer, appeared to have the same glowing insignia on her chest as the kid did-) who was whimpering and holding her damaged limb(Could it be considered that?) as tears cascaded down her face. Glancing between my two problems for a few seconds, I figured I could kill both of them to solve those problems(Because at this point, the screaming was _really_ getting on my nerves-), but I decided against it, and chose to save the kid(If at all possible, at this point.).

"Alright, I'm giving you one chance to tell me what I want to know, and if you _don't_ , you are going to suffer PAINFULLY in your last moments of living. Now, how do I stop this stupid mechanical cross… Thing- and save the boy?" The woman looked up at me, glaring for a bit, before going back to tend to her wounded appendage. "F-Fuck you!" "Alright, I'm known as a compulsive liar, so I'll give you _another_ chance to tell me before I make your life hell." Leaning down to her level, I grabbed her throat and made her look at me in the eye. "How-Do-I-Stop-This-Thing?" Spit on my cheek was my only answer. "Mmm-hm-hm." I chuckled from the back of my throat as my tongue darted out and lapped up the spit, to the 'Supposed' angel's disgust. "Oh, yes. You'll make for an excellent meal- I've always liked my dishes _spicy_!"

Looking away from the quivering woman and back to the camera, I pushed it out of the way so it wasn't recording us.

"Sorry, kids- this scene is just a _bit_ too graphic to show on this one."

 _ **10 minutes, later-**_

"Oh boy, that one took longer than usual- and I got me the meat sweats!" Dabbing away with a handkerchief at my forehead, I covered my mouth up as I burped. "Oops, excuse me." Standing up from the puddle of blood that was seeped onto the floor from where a body used to be, I groaned. "Ugh, I do so hate eating sentient creatures- especially the physical beings! I can handle swallowing down a body made of literal energy, but when it comes high time that I have to eat a physical one, I hate the way the parts just _slither_ down my throat, and how the blood coats and warms my innards and-" I shivered and just stopped the thought there. "Happy thoughts, Mu, Happy thoughts." Shaking my head, I remembered why I had those thoughts in the first place. "Right, the kid-" Rushing over to the cross, I quickly untied the boy and set him down on the ground.

Even with the woman's memories pouring into my brain slowly, I couldn't comprehend why she chose to target him. He wasn't unique in any sense of the word; maybe 11 years old, Japanese descent, brown hair, white shirt, tan cargo shorts, kids like these were a dime a dozen! Hell, even his Sacred Gear wasn't unique, just a plain old Twice Critical-

"Shit! His Sacred Gear!" Frantically looking around the room, I tried to find where his Sacred Gear could have gone so that I could quickly re-attach it to him before he croaked. "Aha!" Seeing a glint of red over to the right side of the cross, I ran over to it and picked up the red, gauntlet like Sacred Gear, and ran back over to the boy, who was blankly staring at the ceiling. "Hang in there, kid. I'll get this re-attached to you and we can bring you home afterwards." After fiddling with it awkwardly for a few seconds trying to figure out how to get it back on, I just decided to put the gauntlet back on his hand. "There!" Standing back up, I grinned. "Good as new!"

…

Okay, so not as good as new-

"Why the hell isn't it working?!" Grunting, I attempted to make the damn Gauntlet stick to the boy's hand, but it wouldn't stay attached to his hand, and I was running out of time as the boys eyes started to dim further. "Oh, come on! What the hell is this shit?! Nothing can just EVER work like it's supposed to, can it?" Growling in frustration, I stopped trying to force it and just stuck it to his hand. "God just HAS to be a dick, doesn't he?" Pumping some Reiatsu through my arm and into the boy and gauntlet, I tried to get it to go back into the kids damn body, but even that failed to do anything other than make the stupid gauntlet glow a bit. "Damn it, I don't want you fucking 'Doubling my power', I want you to go back IN!" I shouted at the stupid contraption, as if that would make any difference.

Somehow, it actually DID, though-

"No, no, NO! Not on ME, you damn thing, on HIM!" Shaking my hand in a fist as the Sacred Gear vanished and somehow popped back onto my left arm, I tried to remove it so I could hurry up and figure out how to get it back on the dying kid. "WHY MUST EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BE DIFFICULT?! EVEN THE DAMN TIME I WANTED TO GO TO THE NUDE BEACH, MY LIFE HAD TO GO AND FUCK IT UP BY MAKING IT A _HOMOSEXUAL_ NUDE BEACH FILLED WITH NOTHING BUT MASSIVE HAIRY MEN! I WAS LIKE A HOTDOG SANDWICHED INSIDE OF A 12 INCH SUB ROLL MADE BY SOME ITALIAN GUY- EXCEPT THE ROLLS WERE ACTUAL FAT!"

Attempting everything to get the stupid thing off me(Including, but not limited to: Gnawing on my arm, burning it, kicking it, insulting it's mother, taking a piss on it(Should have done this after I started gnawing on it-), seducing it, telling it I could give it whatever it wanted(Aside from staying on my arm of course.), and even hacking off my own arm(Which only resulted in it reappearing on the arm that had regrown, sadly.).), though, always failed, as the damn thing was doing a great job of sticking to my arm. "God damn it, you motherfucker! A kid is dying right now because of you!" Giving it one last spiteful comment, I sighed and looked down at the boy who appeared to be in his last minute of life.

"I really am sorry kid, that I couldn't help you at all. I don't know if this will be any consolation, but I'll make sure your family knows of your passing and will give your body back to them, and assure you easy passage into the next life." Sitting next to him to at least give him some form of company before he died, I took out another cigarette from one of my pockets and lit it up. "To ease your worries, the next life is pretty great- I mean, I don't know from personal experience, but I hear it's fairly grand." Taking a hit off my personal nasty habit, I continued. "And the landscape is really nice, actually. Beautiful land, astounding architecture, fine people… Well, in the first few Districts, anyway-" I muttered that last part to myself as the light in the kids eyes finally went out.

"Tell… My parents… I lo…ve..." Looking over in surprise at where the kid lay, I double checked to see if he really was dead, only to find he was. "Heh." Standing up and dusting off my pants, I continued my smoking and looked over at the large cross in the room. "Sure kid, sure."

* * *

"Devils… Angels… _Fallen_ Angels… Sacred Gears…? Just what the hell has been going on under our noses?!" My boss seethed as he sat behind a desk and looked at the information I had gathered on the latest mission last week. Of the things I had gathered(Both from unwanted memories and from where said unwanted memories left a shit ton of information-), those were at the top of the list, and to say the boss man was not pleased at finding out just what exactly had been happening out in the world without our knowing, was like saying I had a small problem with drinking and smoking.

The 15 empty flasks burning a hole in my pocket(Already used up from the last 10 minutes of this meeting-) and dozen of white, burnt sticks on the ground, on the good looking floor, said that was an understatement.

Speaking of-

"Why are we using _my_ office for this shit?" I wasn't really annoyed that it was being used in this way, just more so at the fact that _I_ was on the opposite end of the desk that I wanted to be on.

Stupid almighty gods that can bend time and space…

"Focus, Uxukie!" "Yip!" "Yeah, yeah. I'm all ears… Figuratively- that experiment _still_ gives me nightmares." I shuddered as my little pet jumped up on my shoulders, and started rubbing against my neck, purring(Do foxes purr? Eh, whatever-). "You are _literally_ the only one that knows of this, besides me, and you are easily the one who has the most knowledge about these topics- not to mention you are the Peacekeepers AND the Hollow's top scientist. I need you to look over these bodies you've brought in; see if you can find any information about where they came from, what their anatomical structure looks like in comparison to what we know about the regular human body, see if you can even _glean_ any information about who they worked for, or about any of the other races we might be fighting against in the near future, or even about these 'Sacred Gears' that you told me about- I want to know if our forces can use them, and if not, how we can find those who can and see if we can get them to join our side. Am I clear?"

Taking out yet another cancer stick from a now empty pack, I lit it up and stuck it in my face-hole. "Well, a lot of that should be easy- the memories I acquired should be more than enough to give me a basic grasp on most of those subjects." About to take a puff from the stick, I was annoyed when my little kit reached out and smacked it out of my mouth and to the ground, letting out a pleased noise as it continued to rub itself against my neck. "Yeah- anyways, while _most_ of those things are in my grasp, the rest is going to be a pain in the realistic _ass_ to figure out and find; in other words, gonna need a crap ton of money, time, and hookers-" At that, the kit got annoyed again and took a swipe at the side of my face, leaving a trail of angry red claw marks on it briefly before it disappeared. "Ow, okay, omit the last part… For now- OW!" "Yes, yes. I'll give you your grant money, but knowing our luck, we are going to be strapped for time soon, so finish your research as quickly as possible while getting the best results possible from them- I want it done in the next 5 years."

Cringing, I made some quick calculations in my head. "Sorry, but it is going to be impossible to get the full results in only 5 years with the way things are-" "And if things were to be changed to _war-time_ protocol?"

Now THAT surprised me.

"War-time protocol? Are you really _sure_ that it would be wise to declare that, boss-man?" For those who don't know what that entails(Which is all of you, at this point-), war-time protocol is the rules mandated by the boss-man himself back when the Spiritual World was in the complete shitter, and needed to be fixed.

It basically narrows down to some very simple, and very IMPORTANT rules that are much different from the peace times we are currently(Well, with war-time being declared, I guess it's past-tense, now.) living in, and comes down to these simple facts:

The limiters placed on Captains and Espada alike whenever they go out into the Hoomahn world are now no longer required, meaning anyone could literally go full ham in someone's backyard in the real world; made so that no one could get the jump on people when they were limited from their max power, and giving the other person the massive advantage.

This rule made everyone up for grabs- usually, during the peace times, when two people fight(Anywhere- SS, HM, or even the Hoomahn world-), they are not allowed to obliterate the other from existence(AKA: Killing.), but during the war-time protocol, it's kill or be killed; made so that no one just stupidly follows the rule of 'No killing' even though their opponent is clearly trying to kill them(And yes- some people _are_ that stupid.).

The third rule also coincides with the last rule, where everyone is up for grabs- but instead of a killing sense, it was a _capturing_ sense; meaning anyone could be captured, and then subsequently tortured, killed, or(My personal guilty pleasure-) tested upon to find out secrets, information, or just for the shits and giggles of it all(It should go without saying that in regular times, this is a definite 'No-No', but considering I just said it anyway, now you know- and have no excuse _not_ to know, you lazy bastards.).

Then the fourth rule(And also the most important rule when considering what we are talking about, here-) made it so that absolutely _every_ bet was off; which in layman terms, means nothing was illegal- adulterating, loitering, jaywalking, nothing was gonna get you in trouble(Except, of course, killing an officer of the Peace Corps, but still-); this rule was important because a lot of the people that needed torturing to dispense with the information were hard nuts to crack, and normal, conventional methods just wouldn't cut it- so, they had to turn to illegal means(And, if you even call yourself a mad scientist, you would know this kind of shit was GREAT- because it meant you could test on whoever, whenever, wherever, on whatever, because WHYNEVER(Yeah, that's right, I just made that up- who gives a shit, it's war-time, baby, wanna fight about it?).).

This rule is _easily_ the one I hate the most, as because of it, I turned out like I did, and I do NOT appreciate that at _all_ (Being a psychopathic-scientist with no moral compass whatsoever wasn't exactly what I wanted to become when I was younger- and considering the fact that I wanted to be an English major, teaching foreign kids how to English good, I am pretty sure I couldn't get further from the spectrum on _that_.); this is the rule that lets any member from any race to 'Recruit' any hoomahn they see fit to change into a Shinigami or a Hollow, and make them work for that specific race(And I know I'm a crazy radical douche-bag, but even _I_ have standards.); made just because the war was killing off too many people, and they needed to repopulate those numbers _fast_.

And then rule number 6(This one was only added AFTER the war- because, you know, these damn rules didn't really apply to anyone _except us_ , and the rule was kind of redundant at the time-), which was that any Peacekeeper on the site of a battlefield, meeting, or just even happening to walk by as you were conversing, is automatically the HIGHEST authority figure at that moment- doesn't matter if you were a Captain, an Espada, the Sou-Taicho, the King of Hueco Mundo; all of them were beneath the Peacekeepers(And, in the event of more than one Peacekeeper being at one place at the same time, seniority decides.) in terms of authority- meaning anyone had to listen to their orders(Even if it was to kill themselves- which I plan to abuse, fully, now that it's active again-).

To be perfectly honest, I was ecstatic about these rules being applied again(There were SO many people I would be enjoying torturing and/or killing once I got my business done with-), but I was also hesitant because, like the damn name implies, you _kind_ of have to be declaring war for these changes to take effect; and while I'm not a pussy in any way, shape, or form(A _lot_ of people would argue against that, but screw them anyway-), I did kind of get some memories that had me hesitating against going up against some of these stronger beings these Spiritual beings had on their side.

Pussyness activating, though, I really, _really_ didn't want to have to go toe-to-toe with the giant man in the sky, however.

"How long will it take for you to complete what I asked of you with war-time protocol activated, Uxukie?" Oh boy, he's repeating questions- that means he's actually thinking about it. "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, with it activated, the process would be sure to quicken, but, still, 5 years isn't a long time, and I'd be hard-pressed to do it all, but I am pretty confident I'd be able to do it in that allotted time; give or take a few months." The room became silent as my boss-man pondered this, and I searched on my person for another pack of cancer in a stick, but found my last one already burning on the ground nearby, with a satisfied looking mini-albino fox kit standing right next to it.

That little _bitch_ (Ignoring the implications of what THAT could actually, possibly mean, aside-)-

"Yes, I think that's what I'll do." "Huh, wha-" Breaking the staring contest(That I was _so_ not losing-) with my pet, I looked over to the boss-man(Or the back of _MY_ chair, anyway-) to see what he was talking about. "Until further notice, we are now in war-time protocol, and our targets: The Fallen, the Devils, and the Angels." The- WHAT?! "Uh, all THREE of them, dude? Doesn't that seem a bit, I don't know- suicidal?" And coming from me, that was saying something. "Not at all… Especially when you consider the fact only two people and an intelligent fox kit will know about it being active for quite a while." "You mean, you aren't going to tell _anybody_ else about this? Not even to get them prepared for the future-" And leaning forward on the desk, I covered my mouth so my pet couldn't see what I was talking about. "And between you and me, I don't think my little kit can keep this thing a secret- she's such a blabber mouth." Glancing over to the side once more, I winced as I saw the little bundle of death give me an annoyed stare.

I was going to pay for that later-

"Right- you let me worry about getting ready for the future conflicts at our doorsteps; you just get me the things I need to know and prepare any counter measures we will need to prevail in this moronic war. Dismissed." Waving a black gloved hand at me, he made a shooing motion with it towards the door.

"... Um, boss-man, this is _my_ office-" "And you also own ears and a brain; _use them_." Grumbling incoherently, I walked over to the door, opening it and letting my fox regally trot out with it's head held high(Really, I don't know who the hell taught it to do things like that-) as I also walked out, and started making my way towards my personal laboratory. "Damn bosses, always taking your good shit like they personally own you and all your possessions." Looking around to see if anybody was watching me, I reached into my jacket when I found no one within a safe distance of me. "What always sucks for those type of people, though, is when the underlings decide to start keeping major secrets of their own from them." Chuckling, I studied the box I pulled out from a hidden pocket, opening it up soon afterwards to reveal red, almost glowing chess pieces.

"These next few years are going to be just, _interesting_!"

* * *

"Welcome- and thank you for coming to this meeting today." "God _damn it_ , why is it always MY office?!" Not so silently fuming at once _again_ being annexed from my own chair and office, I stood next to some fellow Peacekeepers, Amaterasu and Suoh, who were in their regular outfits as we waited for the boss-man to say what he wanted.

Better be something fucking big, or I swear to god, if he stole my office to tell us that he got laid, _again_ -

"Now, onto business- we are going to war."

Okay, I suppose that counts as relatively decent sized.

"War, huh? Not surprising- let me guess, it's against those damn _Fallen_ , ain't it?" "Oh please, Suoh, we're obviously going to war with those horrid devils- with their overly sized melons, and obnoxiously short mini-skirts." Yeeeeeeeah, that secret of the factions didn't really take too well; oh sure, it was secret for a while, but a little over three years into my research and with war being declared(Secretly-), some really stupid stray Devils(Or very unlucky strays-) came upon one of our groups. They didn't really take too well to our… Well, existence(Seems the other part of the Supernatural world _really_ didn't like the thought of what made up a Hollow- go figure.), and stupidly thought they could kill them to 'End their suffering' and 'Alleviate them of their miserable lives'.

... Yeah, you can figure out how _that_ went. And so, soon after, the existence of Hollows and Shinigami were brought to the attention of the other factions, and vice versa. And _also_ since then, the relations between everyone had been getting strained- 'Kill-each-other' kind of strained. Seriously, it's a miracle this whole war thing wasn't brought up sooner. "Or we could be going to war with all three of those stupid factions-" The two arguing people glanced blankly over at the sound of the high pitched noise as I stopped trying to throw my voice and coughed. "Mu, you're stupider than Acnologia if you think we're going to do something as suicidal as-" "Declaring war on all three factions."

Ignoring the rude gestures I was throwing his way with my hands, Suoh instead chose to look at the chair holding our boss with shock. "All THREE of them? Bro, I don't want to sound like a pussy or anything like that, but I really don't think we can take down the three factions right now" "Ha! Shows what you know." Taking out a smoke, I continued. "I've run the calculations; even with our meager forces in comparison to the other armies, there is only a very small percent of a chance we'll lose this thing, which is, at best-for THEM- 3.97%." "Now, you see, I might have actually felt some comfort if I had received this type of information from someone _else_." Ouch. "Geez, blunt much- well, you know, other then the one you were obviously smoking before coming here." "Meh. He shrugged. "I calls 'em as I sees 'em." "Does that include the hookers, as well?" "Pffft, obviously."

"Focus!"

Seeing the others straighten up as the boss-man finally put his foot down, I sighed and took a drag from my addiction. "Right- well, there are multiple reasons as to why we won't be losing this war unless they somehow get a miracle going on. For one thing, while they horrifically outnumber us, they only outnumber us _together_ \- meaning, that if we were to set our sights on one target at a time, and not more than one of the factions, we will basically be on even playing grounds with them. And if one of the other factions decide to jump to their aid, it will only be too easy to stage an event that will break their already thinly-tied thread they call their pact, eliminating the possibility of other faction back-up. And not only _that_ , but from what I've gathered, the only way to increase THEIR numbers, for the Fallen, is to make other Angels fall from Heaven, and even then, the Heaven fatcion has no sure-fire way to increase their numbers, so they are boned on getting more numbers, which also means the Fallen are basically screwed as well. The only people that can relatively easily gain more members, is the Devils, with their stupid 'Evil-Piece System', that reincarnates dead hoomahns into Devil's- low-level ones, sure, but still as Devils. And speaking of levels, another factor that makes me believe our victory is assured, is the power of the factions, and their members; or lack of, in this case. The only people they have that could hope to stand a chance against our Espada and Captains, are the Ultimate-Class Devils, Seraphs, and the Cadre for the Grigori, and there are only have a handful of those people, so it would be possible to just go in and destroy them with a full on assault if we really wanted, but we would suffer a great amount of casualties, so we should leave that as a last resort." Dropping the used white stick to the ground, I rubbed the back of my neck and grunted. "So with all those things weighing the factions down, coupled with the fact I know a good portion of the world's Sacred Gear holders now, and have gotten them either to sit this out or join our side, the tricks that _I_ personally still have waiting to spring, and not to mention the variety of weaknesses each of the races has, it would be childs-play to destroy them; if we play our cards right."

The room was silent as they took in that information. "Well said, Uxukie. I see the last 5 years have not been wasted with you knowing about the war coming up beforehand." "Wait- he KNEW about this, YEARS AGO?!" "Duh. Who else was going to do the research, find allies, and spy on the factions- _Law_? Pffft, yeah, okay." "Why in the nine blazes of _hell_ -" "It's actually quite a nice place once you get used to the rather unbearable heat, really." "-Did HE of all people know of this before anyone else?!" The boss-man was silent for a second, before replying in a voice that should obviously be used to talk to 2 year-olds. "... Well, he kind of had a point, there- last time I let Law take care of something, I had a room decorated for a Halloween party… In _July_." "Ah, to be fair, Boss-Sama, that 4th of Halloween party was pretty wicked." "True- but the point still stands. And in any case, my past decisions are not what I wanted you all here for; we need to discuss where we are going to strike first. Uxukie, take over from here." "Yeah, yeah." Clearing my throat, I moved to the side, and removed a blanket from an object, revealing it to be a white board with scribbles, writing, and graphs on it.

"5 years ago, I was sent on a mission to a town called 'Kuoh', and it was there, that I discovered there had been external activity going on, and not of the hoomahn variety. What I didn't know, however, was that the person I had been sent to investigate the disappearance of, was actually a Devil, and was the 'Mayor' of the town, because apparently, the Devil's believe they own the territory, and needed someone to keep track of it. And also because of the disappearance, they needed a new Devil to run the area… And it just so happens, that not only is that leader the sister of one of the Maous who is going into her Junior year of highschool, but ANOTHER sister of ANOTHER Maous is ALSO going into her Junior year, as the School Council president, to boot. And wouldn't it just be a _shame_ if something were to happen to them, on their own 'Turf' even, by, say, a Hollow, or a Shinigami, or a… _Fallen_."

The grin on my face couldn't get any bigger even if the Seireitei Women's Committee decided to drop in and start giving me quite the show.

* * *

"Explain to me, _again_ , why you are just sitting there, doing nothing while me and Amaterasu do all the physical labor?" Suoh(Unsurprisingly.) started bitching as soon as we were finally finishing setting up our base of operations for the next few months in the town of 'Kuoh'.

Deciding that we were in need of some form of base for our(Rather important-) mission, the boss-man thought it best if we didn't attract too much attention to ourselves, so we were not only given a shop on the edge of the town(Opposite the school, the Devil's base of operations- go figure.), to make into a business of our own choosing, but he also had me specially craft some Gigai in the form of young teenagers- no older looking than fifteen, but packed full of the best technology you could find, making the bodies almost as real as a living hoomahn(Except for the parts where they were inhumanly stronger, faster, and made to cover any traces of our Reiatsu presence(Or 'Devil magic' as the stupid morons would say.).), so that we would convince the supernatural beings that we were just young orphans who moved into the town together to start up their own business and make a name for themselves.

The shop was a standalone in between two apartment complexes, with a single large window on the side to show the interior of the building, and a glass door that lead into the place, and an otherwise white wall for the rest of the front, and a vacant lot at the tip of the entire thing, that was a place to put a sign to show what the business was. The building itself wasn't in that bad a condition- in fact, other than needing a new paint job and a new sign to stick up onto the top of it to show people what it was there for, it was ready to use to our heart's content.

Walking in through the door, you would find a homey looking restaurant of sorts, light brown walls with hardwood flooring of the same color and a white ceiling with a singular fan of the same wooden color dangling from it, spinning lazily as the sound diffused across the entire room. Also inside, was the dark wooden tables, having booths as the main form of seating for people to order something and eat with their families or friends, and then there was the bar section, where the singular patrons(Otherwise known as the lonely men who wanted to drown out their sorrows in alcohol-) could sit and have a drink or just chat(With a drink, of course- cause no god damn hobo's or angsty teens are gonna be hanging out in my shop without buying something, first.) with a full set-up of shelves on the other side of the bar, waiting to hold the drinks we would be serving on the menu, and an equally wooden door smack dab in the middle of it that would lead into the kitchen when it was complete, and the apartments above the shop where we would be living until this entire parade was finished.

All in all, it was a good, homey looking restaurant that would _totally_ throw off any suspicion we could come across from the other races.

As long as a certain team of people didn't fuck it up, that is…

"Well, seeing how you are as deaf, as you are _ignorant_ -" "Hey!" "-I guess I can explain it just one more time; I am leader, you are follower. Comprende?" "Okay, and tell me _again_ why lsm thought it would be a good idea to give you that much power over us?" "Well, other than the fact I know the most of what the hell is going on right now, there is also the assignments everyone else was assigned to take into account. Namely, Amaterasu being incognito and will not be able to give orders as well as she could with the people she is supposed to keep an eye - rather diligently, might I add, and also that you aren't going to be around us nearly enough with your information gathering to give out orders either, or even assess our situations to give out clear orders in the first place! So, boss-man did the most intelligent thing, by giving leadership to the most intelligent of the group, as well as the one with the most info on the enemies-" "That still doesn't mean you are the best option for leader!" "-Not to mention the one with the most connections in the other supernatural world-" "Yeah, well-" "-And then not to mention, _again_ , the fact the man is also the strongest of the rest of the beings in this rag-tag group, the most experienced in what we are supposed to be doing, and by-far the best people person, which is what is needed to run this damn shop… Store, restaurant? Whatever the hell it is going to be!

That one shut him up.

"Good, now then, I will be off taking a stroll, so finish cleaning up, slaves- I mean fellow team members!" Walking out of the shop and onto the streets, I reached for one of my hidden stashes of cigarettes, only to realize I was already decked in my new uniform for the shop, consisting of white, polished shoes(That costed more than what you'd probably make in your entire _life_ -), white dress pants(Made from the finest silk a group of arachnid Hollows could produce.), black leather belt holding the pants up(Heard of leather pants? This is his cousin.), white, long sleeve button up shirt(Mm. Love the feel of twill in my shirts- what? Twill is totally a thing I totally didn't just make up! Honest!) with a darker white colored overvest covering up the waist(Okay, starting to wonder if the boss has something against _colors_ …), and a white, cashmere tie topping off the outfit(Ah, anything with 'Cash' in the name is alright by me.).

But the most interesting thing about the outfit(To me, at least-), was the lack of places to hide away bottles of alcohol, packs of cigarettes, or even my god damn sword, which I had to fucking leave behind at my stupid room; nowhere near where I would normally want to keep my sword(Where did I want it? On my person; at all times… Hooker taught me that lesson _far_ too well-). "Ugh. It's gonna be annoying as hell to have to restock my booze and cigs so much more now because I can't carry nearly as much." Grunting as I racked around one of my only pockets left, I took out the only pack and sighed. "You're going to have to last me a _long_ time, packy. Boozey and Swordsy aren't here to entertain me with drunken antics and needless bloodshed now." Taking out a lighter, I opened the pack to grab a stick, only to pause as the empty carton met my eye. "... What… The… F-" My phones 'Mask' ring tone startled me out of my daze, as I grabbed it and clicked the accept call button. "... Yes?" ' _Hey, Uxukie! I just wanted to call and remind you that while you're working in the shop… Restaurant, thingy- anyways, I wanted to remind you; no drinking on the job, no needless violence, and above all, NO smoking,_ _ever_ _\- wouldn't want the place to smell like a homeless person's box, nor for the manager to smell like a 60 year old chain smoker! Okay, that's all I called to tell you, ciao!_ '

*CLICK*

"... I wonder if mass genocide counts as 'Needless violence'?"


	2. The Mu, the Blonde, the Unhol(e)y Maker

**I am back, and with new vigor, as well!**

 **I would also just like to thank all the perverts out there looking for Harem stories on this site, because that is the only reason I could come up with as to why this story suddenly blew up with more views in a day and a half than my Yu-Gi-Oh story has from being on here for almost a** ** _year_** **. So thank you, perverts everywhere, I shall not let you down!**

 **And to the reviewer who actually gave me an answer to the title of my story(That I have always wondered about in all honesty, because I could never figure it out-), I will be truthful and say that I didn't believe you at first, because I thought the DxD meant like, Dragons x Devils or something of another, but then I got thinking that this** ** _is_** **Highschool DxD we are talking about here, and that you are probably one hundred percent correct on the perverted title name... God, this world makes me sad.**

 **Anyways, pray Senpai, sleep Senpai, and if you are a hot girl, eat Senpai. That is all.**

"Ugh. The damn shop opens tomorrow, and I still can't decide if I am going to make it into a karaoke bar or karaoke restaurant- wait, is there even a difference?" I scratched my head as I walked through the park they had here in this little town(Seriously, for such a small place, it seemed to be fitted with everything under the sun- cafes, arcades, a school, a bicycle trail, forest preserve, every type of restaurant you could think of, church, shrines, cemeteries, hell, I was sure I passed a fucking sex shop a while back, too!). "Maybe I can turn it into a karaoke _laundromat_ -" "Ouch!" "Hm?" Looking over to the right, I saw a small, foreign teen(Because nobody in Japan had naturally blonde hair- and while I couldn't say for the men, I had double checked the authenticity of the women with the hair color by… _Examining_ them up close and personally- yeah, examined, that was a good term for it.) in a nun outfit shamelessly giving me and about a quarter if the parks residents an absolutely fabulous view of her knickers(White, of course, because what else would someone from the church be wearing as underwear?... You know what, don't answer that one.) with her baggage strawn across the ground.

Being the kind, benevolent, empathetic(Yes, I do know they all mean the same thing, but I am trying to get a point across here, people.) person I was, I walked up to the girl and, taking a quick sniff of her(Okay, sounded a lot better in my head-), I reached a hand down to help her. " _Mentre mi godo la vetta, non penso che il resto dei residenti del parco si senta lo stesso._ " The nun quickly looked confused, before she looked down and then around while yelping and pulling her dress down. " _M-Mi dispiace!_ " I shook my head and sighed.

Kids these days, no sense of modesty.

" _Penso che dovresti dirlo al bambino che hai sfregiato per tutta la vita laggiù, non io._ " Grabbing onto my hand, I pulled the nun onto her feet. "Ah, _Grazie_." She quickly lowered her head and grabbed the cross hanging from her neck, uttering a swift prayer(And conveniently at the same time I had to shake my head as I felt an uncomfortable buzzing inside of it.) before looking back up at me, eyes wide as she only just now realized I wasn't talking to her in Japanese(English? Whatever, this is my story, be grateful I am translating for you, damn inconsiderate bastards…). "Y-You speak Italian?!" I gave her a stare. "No, I just so happened to be speaking my own made up language that only I or the people I allow to speak it can understand. Congratulations, you are one of those few." Instead of looking upset or irritated at my words, the young girl seemed awed. "R-Really…?"

I palmed my face while breathing out heavily.

I just knew that today was going to be one of _those_ days.

" _Ti rendi conto che questo è veramente italiano, giusto?_ " She at least had the decency to blush. "A-Ah, G-Gomen." Man, she was so adorable, I could just eat her up(In the way you are thinking, but not in the way you are thinking… Wow, even _I_ didn't understand me there.)! "No worries, I find it refreshing, actually, to find someone like you."

You would, too, if you had to be around a man with a potato fetish, a guy with identity issues, a pyromanic chick, a dude with bishounen fangirls following him even into the bathroom, and… Someone who I know but can't quite remember the face of(Something about a Reindeer, I think?) constantly.

"Definitely a step-up, I'd say." I mumbled as quick flashes of white underwear kept appearing in my kind. "What was that?" "I asked what you were doing here- a sister hasn't popped up here in…" … "Okay, now that I think about it, you being here is _way_ too far-fetched. Which would mean-" " _Die_ Human!"

Okay, now, I resent that.

Swiftly bending forward, a rather puny looking spear of light sailed above my bent form, eventually crashing into one of the trees surrounding the park and sending it crashing to the floor(Bah, if I had even used my weakest Bala, that tree would have been obliterated!... Along with most of the park, but that's besides the point.). Bending back up to see a now wide eyed nun(Who I just now realized was still nameless- fuck.)I cracked my neck and observed the damage. "Wow, talk about destruction of public property-" And I totally just had one of those 'Pot, meet Kettle' type of moments. "You know who had to pay for these types of things, right?" Turning around, I was met with an equally shocked, stereotypical Fallen Angel who was now shivering in his metaphorical boots(Idiot was wearing sandals- who wore sandals to murder someone?!).

"No, seriously, do you know who pays for all this, because I have to eventually meet up with that poor bastard and give him a pat on the-" I blinked as I felt something shift rapidly behind me. "Back?" Looking back, I finally saw a horrified blonde and a relieved looking Fallen with an extra pair of wings and an outstretched arm held in my direction.

Ah, it would appear that shifting was the air being pierced by the(More powerful than earlier, but still weak compared to me-) light spear that was now stuck inside my chest where the heart would usually reside instead. "Shot through the heart…" I hacked up some blood as I clutched my chest and fell to a knee. "And you're to blame..." Grinning as the stupid Fallen(The weaker one- I had to verify because they were _all_ stupid to me.) confidently strided towards me, I quickly flung the blood I had accumulated inside my clenched fist at the fool, watching in satisfaction as the idiot started screaming his head off as the blood burned and corroded whatever it got its hands on(AKA: His ugly face.). "You give love-" Moving faster than either of the foolish supernatural beings(Again, Kettle is meeting the Pot for some reason-) could comprehend, I appeared before the one with half his face burned off and swiftly put him out of his misery by swiping my hand and decapitating him, topped off with blood spewing every which way from the new hole I made in his body. "A bad name."

Coughing some more blood up, I looked back down at the spear piercing my chest and frowned, knowing that this was the end of this particular Gigai(I always kept at least a baker's dozen on hand anyway after the, uh, ironic bakery wars of '99, actually.) and this vest and dress shirt, as well(I wasn't quite at the level of badass that it took to never get blood on your clothes, but I was learning, damn it!), but got over it as I immediately realized I couldn't sense the other bastard that ruined my third favorite Gigai(Of this particular set, at least-), nor the nun who I still hadn't gotten the name of(Strangely, though, she seemed to have more of a presence than both of the Fallen put together. Hm. Food for thought.), which meant that the slightly stronger Fallen had somehow escaped my radar(Because an ex-Espada was totally going to lose track of something an Adjuchas could kill ten times over.), or he had help from an outside source to flee, and with the girl, no less. Which only meant one thing-

"God damn Cadre." I cursed as I left my Gigai, dressed in the same clothes, but without the holes or blood this time, and set off for my store(Not without firing a quick Bala to eviscerate the 'corpse', though, of course, or any traces of it for anyone to get a whiff of.). "God damn Sacred Gears. God damn Sacred Gear loving Cadre; I swear if it was Azazel, and if he touches a _hair_ on that precious girls head, I will have _his_ to mount on my wall- and the smaller one to use as a fucking paper weight… Considering it's big enough, at least, in the first place, however, for that intended use."

* * *

A week.

"It took me a fucking _week_ to figure out that the god damn Fallen were using the abandoned church- _again_ \- as a base of operations, to- _again_ \- complete their nefarious purposes, for- _AGAIN_ \- the betterment of their kind."

Don't worry folks, I have and will continue to smash my head into every tree I see again in the foreseeable future.

It's just that I had already broken all the ones around me with my hard head so I couldn't do it anymore until Kuoh decided to fix their botanic problem and plant more.

Grumbling to myself, I fixed the collar of the(Now _mandatory_ -) Haori(Now with sleeves!... I had to tell them that there was such things as _sleeves_ , first, though.) for the higher ups in the Shini/Hollow/Quincy(Still iffy on that one- not because I don't trust them, because I don't trust everyone as equally as everyone else, but because their agreement to this pact was… spotty, at best- an arrow through my stomach with a note saying 'Sure' was not the best of reassurances. either.) alliance against the Angel/Devil/Fallen pact the other players had going on(Actually, thinking about it now, we apparently just became the enemy to defeat the enemy, because just like us, their pact had more holes in it than Bonnie and Clyde after the police found them.). And then I had to wear a fucking headdress with the Curandero symbol blasted straight on it(Yes, a _headdress_.) because I was in charge of the Curandero(Like the healing squad, but for Hollows, in case you totally didn't know because I have never once mentioned it before in this fic that I am writing, so, you know. You're welcome- ungrateful bastards…), so here I was, dressed in ALL white(As if I was going to an anti-funeral… A birthday party? I don't know.), walking towards the abandoned church so whoever the hell took the nun the last time didn't notice my presence immediately and bailed just like last time, while dressed up like it was Halloween and I was going as the Pope(Which one you ask? I like to think that I can pull off a great Pope Francis John- others say I pull off a mean pedophilic Ron Jeremy; but those people can just go fuck themselves.).

All in all, this had to go down as worst day number seven(Six through one were all filled with clowns, terrible mothers, terrible mothers getting _plowed_ by clowns, strap-ons, dykes, and last but not least, the time Hostess went out of business- worst five weeks of my life.).

Shaking my head at the unfairness of it all(Coupled by the jingling of bells- okay, for real, who decided that dangling bells on the _mandatory hats_ we had to wear to WAR was a good idea?!), I soon saw that the church was in sight, and ready to be plundered(Plundered of all it's cute, blonde, nun women, at least-), but stopped myself in confusion as I heard the voices of others.

It was too far back from the church for the Fallen to risk sending out forces to protect the stupid thing, so it had to have been either some really unfortunate hoomahns, or, the more likely scenario, _another_ faction.

Moving behind a tree near the location of the voices, I lifted my finger to the trunk of the tree and quickly drilled a hole that I could use to peak at the individuals without informing them of my location by sticking my(Admittedly-) abnormally colored head of hair out from behind a tree- at _night_. "So, this is the area the Fallen were seen located at by my brother?" The voice belonged to a girl who could be no older than, at most, eighteen, and looked an awful lot like that strongest Maou guy I kept hearing about and _oh my Twinkies that was the sister of the Maou_. "Yes, Buchou." And apparently, she brought her meager Peerage with her, as a tiny neko devil with white hair seemed to be doing lookout for any intruders on their position(Why are you all looking at me like that? This isn't intruding, I am just sneaking up on people so that I can listen in on their no doubt private conversation- no intruding there. Nnnnnnnope.) while a black haired S&M(Yes, I can tell she is into it, and yes, I can tell she is both- you don't live as long as I have without figuring shit like that out. _Immediately_.), Fallen/Devil hybrid and a blonde pretty boy(Must, resist, urge, to, send out _fangirls_ -) gave some kind of report...

Or something, wasn't really paying attention to them so much as the four objects that were currently catching my eye right now that the group had packing with them(They rhyme with noobs, bits, cat tracks, lobes, hammary grands, and chests- wait, that last one reveals what it actually is, noooooooo! Why did it have to rhyme with breasts?!). "Hm. So this is where they have taken that nun with the Sacred Gear to, eh?" Wait, what? They knew about that? Huh. And here I was thinking that devils were innately moronic.

Good for them.

"Hai. What do you wish to do?" The red head closed her eyes and rubbed her chin for a bit, as if in thought(Not that I believed she was capable of that- wow, I am _really_ racist compared to how I am usually with races like the Quincies and Shinigami. Must have something to do with the things they put in their water supply to turn out wonderous objects like the things resting on those two girls chests…) before she opened them and spoke to them in a grave tone. "We will wait here until we know what the Fallen are capable of, and when we are sure of our intel, if we can counter-attack, we will." Tch. Typical Devils, cowards to the end- "And of the nun?" "Ah, they are currently performing a ritual to remove her Sacred Gear from her. Once it is done, we will see if we cannot recruit her to our side, or, if that is not possible because of the time that has passed, see if her Sacred Gear will be of any use to us."

… What, the-

Astonishingly, the pretty boy and busty shrine maiden just nodded their heads, as if that were the most logical and morally ethic(Ah, devils, right.) thing to have ever come out of anyone's mouth. Hell, even the cat was looking at them in slight alarm, for fucks sake! That was just, just, _pompously_ self-centered! Were ALL devils like that?! And here I was being somewhat _reluctant_ to go through with this war in the first place, and they go off and do shit like this! "... Is there truly nothing we can do to help the Sacred Gear holder?" Finally, someone talks some sense, and of course it's the silent one. The red haired girl just looked at the small girl with- was that _pity_ , and actually tried to justify her previous statement. "Sadly, we cannot." Horse shit, you could, oh I don't know, HELP SAVE HER! "As she is a part of the church's faction, there is nothing we can do to help without incurring the wrath of the church." Dung shit! The factions were currently in a PACT- albeit, a rocky one, but a pact nonetheless- so saving another member of that factions party would be seen as a gesture of good faith, not one of grievous sins worthy of punishment(There was also the little fact that she was actually an _excommunicated_ member of the church, because she had healed a Devil(Again, bigotry strikes against the innocent- heh, that last one was pretty good, though, should totally use it for some kind of newspaper article title…), which was the main reason she had been targeted first(Er, second, my guilt filled conscience reminds me.) by the Fallen. And if I had known that with my little information circle going around the different factions, then the damn sister of the leading MAOU should have known that as well, and most likely just so _happened_ to forget to mention it to her Peerage… Or at least the most morally conscience one, the other two seem like the type to not give any fucks either way.)!

"Ah, but…" "Plus, with the added addition of the Fallen no doubt already being angered at us interrupting whatever plans they had on our territory, we just can't afford it, dear Koneko." Hm. That's a name I will have to remember later on(If not because she seemed like the best out of the bunch and the best to go to for help in spying on her and that other Maou sister, then because she was gosh darn adorable, and I would love to just grab some catnip, a remote controlled mouse, and one of those blinking lights that make animals freak out and just go to town.). "...Hai, Buchou." She quickly acquiesced to her bosses orders and walked over to the rest of her group, but to my shock, she darted her eyes to my hiding spot, then back to the church building, before holding up four fingers, followed by her other hand making an 'O' shape before putting them together, and just as fast lowered them and went back to staring at her group, waiting for further orders.

Well, well, wellington…

* * *

Making my way through the rafters of the building, I spied about five guards, guarding the(Not very secret-) entrance to the underground that I know existed, because, well- I _was_ the reason they failed the last time, too(Fuck the others, they didn't do shit on that job that I couldn't have done with just my pinky, and we all know it!). Not wanting to waste anymore time, I nimbly leapt down from my perch( **I'm Batman's Spanish cousin, El Batto.** ) to land behind all five of them, and swiftly took down(Read: Annihilate.) four of them, with the fifth actually having time to see the others get pawned, and leapt out of the way of my last Bala in time to save everything but his left arm.

With most dead, and the last on the ground cursing things that I hadn't heard in a _very long_ time, I decided to say 'Fuck it' and prevent this from being used again, by slicing the Altar… Coffin… _Thing_ in half, and using two seperate Bala's(I seem to be using those a lot in this Episode… Chapter… Whatever.) to absolutely destroy every last trace of the secret entrance, leaving behind a set of stairs that would forever hold a draft if I had anything more to say about it(Which, considering this is my story, I obviously did.). Walking down the stairs, I said fuck all to the door(You guys just didn't hear me say it.), and kicked it in, seeing something that was more reminisce of a really, really, _really_ extreme gang bang porno flick, and not some kind of echi book/anime this damn story was SUPPOSED to be.

"Alright." I stepped into the room filled with excommunicated exorcists, Fallen, and porn directors, not wanting to waste time. "I will give you idiots five seconds to hand over the girl before I mince your bodies into pie for me to eat with my sweet heart back home, or else I will mince up your bodies into pie for me to eat with my sweet heart back home." I also cracked my knuckles for effect. "And if you do give me her in five seconds, I will consider _not_ using your bodies to make pie for me to eat with my sweet heart back home." I really hope they chose the latter option, because I _totally_ didn't have a sweet heart back home to eat that pie I would make their minced bodies into if they didn't give me the girl within five seconds(How tired are you of me saying that by now? Enough? Good, because typing out 'Mince your bodies into pie for me to eat with my sweet heart back home' five different times was a pain in the ass.).

However, instead of doing as I asked(Because we all know that in all my stories, no one with any sort of shred of dignity or self-respect listened to me- and they would be right not to do so, actually, now that I think about it.), they all decided to laugh as if I had just told the funniest joke in existence.

Which might have been true, because it was the last joke any of them heard before I obliterated them with thirty-four well placed Bala's.

Aw well. Can't make a mass-genocide without cracking a few skulls and erasing existences, now could you?

"Hm, now who to play with? Eeny, meeny, miny- you." I turned fully to the blank faced bitch who had the balls to stab me in the back with a harpoon(Spear- I meant spear.) made of the most overused element next to darkness in all of fandom. "Okay, now I sincerely hope you have the girl to give up to me, because you have two whole extra wings I can rip off your body compared to the last simpleton who tried this shit with me, and I will take _all_ the pleasure from twice your pain and suffering next to that other one." The blank mask finally cracked, but not in the way I had quite hope. "Heh heh, you can have the bitch now, I already got what I wanted." After that, a most irritating grin(Some might think it looked sinister- after seeing hundreds of the same grin, however, I was kind of hoping at some point one of these idiots would at least change it up with like a pleasant smile as blood dripped from their sword- that would be wonderful.) stretched across his face as he threw the limp body of the nun with a pair of odd rings glowing on his hand as he tossed me her.

Grabbing the girl, I noticed the slow dimming in her eyes as she muttered non-sensible gibberish and looked up at me with a most heartbreaking hope that I could save her in her already dead eyes. "Hm." I kept eye contact with the girl before she finally passed, then I set her down on the ground and eyed the grinning lune before me. "I take it those rings are her Sacred Gear?" After racking my brain for a second, I came upon a name. "The Twilight Healing, capable of healing the wounds of the user and those they use it on?" He just cackled that irksome laugh all moronic people who lost their minds to 'Power' use before he lifted the hand that held the Sacred Gear up, as if people should be praying to it. "Of course it is, you fool! And with it, I shall RULE this world!" "Ah." I smiled as if we were just talking about the weather, and not some perverse notion as world domination. "That's all I needed to know."

The next thing anyone knew, the church fell into ruin as multiple, massive pillars of ice slammed through the windows, doors, sides, and roof, quickly collapsing the top and causing the sides to freeze from the intensity of the chilling cold.

* * *

"Oh, how I love the faces of the people who think they are invincible quickly falling into despair as they realize they are just _weaklings_ before me." I muttered to myself as I carried the corpse of the blonde girl(Who I _still_ didn't know the fucking name of, damn it!) with me out of the now abandoned and BROKEN church, holding onto her Sacred Gear(That thankfully DIDN'T fuse with me when I touched them, unlike the last ones I tried that with.) in my hand, now in a Gigai, but still wearing the clothes I was before(Which is odd, because the Gigai still had on my work clothes, last time I checked-). "Ah, speak of the devils, and they shall arrive in a chariot of _idiot_!" I grinned as I laid the girl on a bed of white lilies, which also just so happened to be in the midst of a cherry blossom storm, with the petals flying every which way through the clearing(No, the irony _isn't_ lost on me, I am the one WRITING it, you dolts… Wait, isn't it supposed to be Winter right now-) as the devils from before appeared before me with their special little 'Magic circle'(Seriously, did they not know they were just using _Reiryoku_ , or-) and got into tense stances.

"Ma, ma." I waved them off as I laid the two rings onto the chest of the dead girl before me. "No need to be so tense, little devils, for your messiah has come!" The tiny headache I gained was totally worth the massive flinches and no doubt migraines the other group was feeling right now. "Ah, but religious persecutions aside, it's about time you showed up- if I had waited for your little plan to be set into motion, this girls Sacred Gear would be gone and there would have been no hope in saving her." Atthat, the apparent leader rose a brow interest. "You knew of our plan _and_ defeated the entirety of the Fallen in their base?" Okay, I wasn't liking the current way she was eyeing me like a piece of meat.

Nor the way her S&M friend was eyeing me like a piece of meat, either(Though they were very much different looks for very much different purposes, I assure you.)-

"Sorry, little Devil, but I don't plan on joining any Peerages, today, or any other for that matter." At that, the intrigued look on her face turned into a fierce scowl. "Out with it then, why are you here, in _our_ territory?!" Okay, now THAT pissed me off. "It was never your playgrounds to begin with, you little vermin with wings! It used to be held by beings of much higher power than your tiny mind could even comprehend, and then it all went wrong when they decided to become lax and let little pests like yourselves into our homes." I shook my head and made tsking sounds. "Talk about biting the hand that feeds you- or in this case, actually eating the hand." At my hostility, the rest of the Devils gained scowls as well, and fell into(Absolutely _horrid_ -) battle stances.

"Don't."

Well, all except the little loli-neko in the back(You know, the only _sensible_ one of the group.) who moved to the front of the pack and stopped them from doing anything stupid(Like attacking me- yeah, even in a Gigai I would wreck them all, and it wasn't me being arrogant about my power, but more like being realistic about their battle prowess… Or lack-there-of, I guess.). "Koneko? Get out of the way so I can blast this annoying human-" "Oi! I take offense to that!" "-Back to heaven where he came from!" "Again, _offense to that_!" The leader continued to rage, but the little girl kept her back. " _Dangerous_." Okay, was she some kind of pseudo-mute or something, why was she only speaking the bare minimum here? "Him? _Dangerous_? Koneko, I think we need to have you checked by a doctor if you think this guy who is dressed like the walking stereotype of a pope is actually a danger to any of us." "Heh heh heh, honestly, you might want to be getting everyone BUT the girl checked out if you really don't think I couldn't kill you all right now with little trouble." "Hmph." The red head just waved me off like I was some _ant_ (Okay, for real here, I was definitely going to have to break that whole 'No smoking or drinking' rule in about five seconds with how stressed out these kids were making me.) that came across a lion and said it was going to beat it up. "I might be more willing to believe in your little bluff if I could actually feel _any_ magic from you. But no- instead, all I feel is nothing and all I SEE is an arrogant church member who thinks he stands a chance against the little sister of a _Maou_."

Ho?

Well didn't she give me a great excuse not to show my hand right there…

"Oh? So you are telling me that none of you can even sense me?" While she looked a little off put that I hadn't reacted bigger at the big drop that she was related to a Maou, she still shook her head with everybody else when I asked my question- even the cat, to my surprise. "Hm? You can't even sense a minute amount of energy from me, and yet you label me a threat, little Neko-Chan? Why is that?" While the others looked shocked that I had known she was some type of Yokai, the girl herself was unfazed. "Instincts." _Instincts_? Okay, now she had me liking her a lot. "Instincts?!" The leader of the pack shrieked. "You stopped me from roasting him because you followed your _instincts_ like some kind of ANIMAL?!"

Seeing the white haired girl flinch at that actually somehow pissed me off more.

Probably because making something as cute as her flinch was like kicking a puppy(Yeah, that's right, I just made a dog analogy for a cat- deal with it.).

"If I were you, I'd be thanking the little cutie, because, as I always say-" I grinned as I finally let loose all the Reiatsu I could while inside of a Gigai(Coming from an ex-Espada, that was actually still quite a lot.), making the others flinch from finally being able to feel it. Of course, they most likely didn't act this way because of the sheer pressure of it(It probably wasn't any more than they could normally feel from that sister of the Maou, anyway.), but because of the feel of my Reiatsu was much different compared to what any other supernatural being possessed.

In my research of the other creatures this world had to offer, I had found out(By accident, actually- some soon-to-be-dead Devil that I had captured for experimentation somehow escaped his confines and, rather _stupidly_ , went after my fridge first thing and ate my fucking _SHRIMP_! Needless to say, he had soon gone into shock followed by death when my Reiatsu output was too much for him to take. Which was weird, considering he wasn't as weak as most of the people of his race, and I wasn't even using half of my Reiryoku on him- hell, I wasn't even directing it at him in the first place and that still happened!) that, much like compared to the Quincy and Shinigami, Hollow energy was much different from everyone elses.

And considering the shivering the young Devils were now being forced to do to cope with the feel of it, that difference was not a _good_ thing(For them, at least- effing hilarious to me, though.).

"W-Wh-What is this _feeling_?" The black haired Sub and Dom managed to stutter out as she rubbed her arms with her hands to find warmth that was just not gonna come(If I had any say in it, and, well- my story. _Again_.). "That, would be my overwhelming presence, wee little hybrid." Ignoring the sudden glare forcing its way to the face of the half-breed, I decided to study the ears and tails the neko-girl had suddenly sprung, and-

Was she _hissing_ at me?

Oh my gosh, she was just too adorable.

"You see, here's a lesson for you kiddies- _never_ trust anything but your instincts. Not your brains, not others, certainly not a queer thing like you _heart_ -" Bleh. "-But your INSTINCTS, because they are the only thing that will never let you down in this god forsaken world." Oh how I loved to see them clench their heads in pain- "But enough about me, because I have a dead nun to deal with." Somehow, _somehow_ , the red haired bitch was able to shrug off the effects of my presence long enough to bark some laughter and scoff(Had to give props where they are deserved- she was absolutely retarded if she was that stupid to ignore the aura I just gave off, if even for only ten seconds.). "HA! And how do you plan to do that? She is truly dead, and not even fusing her Sacred Gear back to her will bring her back! There is only one hope left for her, and that is to be reincarnated in my Peerage through the use of my Evil Pieces!" Now it was my turn to scoff as I rooted around in one of my many pockets(Wait, why didn't I pack any booze in here?!), looking for a certain something. "Yeah, you would think, wouldn't you? However, I am not just about to let her go off and become a slave to a no doubt cruel benefactor, or _malefactor_ in this case-" "Hey!" "-And screw up her life more than has already been done. So, instead of doing _that_ , I think I will use _this_."

And with that, I withdrew my latest(And, to be perfectly honest, BEST.) invention, that just so happened to be in the form of an eight-sided, slightly larger than normal, black with white edges and blood red dots, die.

"A _die_?" The red haired leader of the group asked skeptically. "You are going to use a DIE to bring her back? What are you attempting to do, gamble her fate with some divine entity-" "Ha ha ha, if I wanted to do that, I would just be gambling with myself. No, what _I_ am going to do, is breath life back into her with my… Hole… Roll."

Give me a break, it was a god damn work in progress.

"That sounds like some stupid teenage kid in his room with nothing better to do gave it like, five seconds of thought before putting it on paper." "Like _you're_ one to talk, you've gotta be like, what, eighteen at most, _seventeen_ even?!" "And yet you look no older than dear Koneko here…" "You know what? Fuck it. Ima just show you how amazing I am with my amazing… Screw you, it's a work in progress!" And with that, I threw the die in the air above the blonde corpse, and just as it span and was about to land on her chest, next to Twilight Healing, it stopped a foot in the air, surprising everyone around me. "It- stopped?" "Okay, _now_ what is it gonna do?" "Wait for it." "Look, I think we are all tired here-" Speak for yourself, pretty boy… "-So can you just, make it do whatever it is it's going to do so we can all go home and forget this ever happened?" Naive little- "Wait for it." "But, I don't want to wait for it." "Wait for it." At that, the red Devil snapped. "Will you _stop saying WAIT FOR IT_?!" "... Wait for it, _bitch_."

Just as the frothing red head was going to try to wring me by the neck, the die suddenly glowed a dull yellow, and slowly started to rotate around. "Oh boy, a glow in the dark _game piece_. So AMAZING." The leader of their group rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Wait for it." As the hybrid Fallen/Devil held back her leader from getting foolishly killed, the die started to slowly gain speed in its rotation, and as it went faster, the red glow started to pick up too, soon making the die impossible to guess what side it might land on and making it look like a tiny yellow orb of sickly energy. "Okay, can you just tell us what the hell is going on right now-" "Sure I could." I shrugged at their expectant looks. "Of course I _won't_ , but I could."

Was trolling Shinigami and Quincy alike nearly as fun as trolling these Devils?

Not in the slightest.

But, not wanting to be in their presence any more than I had to(This was Amaterasu's job, damn it, not mine!), I decided to end the little show here. "Reverse State of Being." At that, the spinning picked up its pace for a few more seconds, before I held out my open palm, and then clenched it, abating the turning of the small game piece and making it fall onto the nuns chest, a seven as clear as day on display, once again, for the third time that day, startling me. "A seven? I know she seemed to have a lot of Reiryoku built up, but I wasn't expecting _that_. Oh well." Shaking my head, I took a knee next to the body, and put one finger on the die, and slowly pushed down, causing it to actually _sink_ into the girls body, shocking most everyone, and horrifying another. "That ritual, it can't be-" "Ah, finally figured it out, eh? Oh, that's right." Rooting around again through my pockets, I took out a small case and threw it at the pure blood, who was too shocked to catch it properly, causing dull glowing chess pieces to spew forth from the opened lid.. "I don't need that, anymore, so you can bring that back to your little abode any time you deem it fit."

So bewildered they were, that none of them noticed the Sacred Gear also sinking quickly into the young girls chest.

"Well, I think that means my job is done here, so-" Picking up the small, less pale than before, body in front of me, I gave them all a one handed salute. "Ja Ne~"

And just like that, I left an astonished pack of Devils to pick up the pieces of my visit(Both figuratively AND literally.) via my speed technique.

* * *

"Hm. Not sure why she has these, though." I hummed to myself as I inspected the Spirit body of the girl laying on one of my tables in the shop, with her Gigai I created(You know, in case this exact fucking thing would have happened like it just did.) sitting in one of the booths. The things I was talking about, of course, would be the small horns jutting out of her upper forehead, and going about two inches into the air before stopping in sharp edges, along with a small, broken portion of a mask resting on her lower face, obscuring the left side of her mouth and some of her cheek, and of course it would also have a crooked grin not misplaced on someone like the Joker's face deeply carved into its features, all of course, in white, and made of the same material all Hollow masks were made from, giving her one hell of an intimidation upgrade.

All-in-all, she looked like some psychotic stereotypical Devil with some M. Night Shyamalan(Or the Horror film version of whatever _that_ is-) twist added to it to make it both original and completely fucked up.

And if it wasn't for me actually knowing her personality, I would have thought this was some horrific cosplaying bitch hellbent on getting some blood(Or some Yandere character, same difference.).

Though, taking that into account, her mask and form should have manifested based off her soul, and if this is the end result of that, I just had to wonder what the absolute _hell_ (Yes, this pun was intentional, as are _all_ puns I make, EVER.) those Fallen did to her in a week to scar her like this. "And, where do you think _you_ are going?" I asked without even turning around, already knowing who it was and why they were trying(Read: Failing.) to sneak past me to go back to their room. "Astute as ever, Mu." I could just see Amaterasu dusting off her clothes as she stood next to the door leading to the stairs for the upper levels. "Well, as I always say; either astute or your gonna turn into stew." I turned myself around to stare at her, and leveled a bored gaze at her. "And no, I really _don't_ say that." Who the fuck _would_?

"But enough foreplay; I haven't seen you all week, where were you?" At that, she stood straighter(Son of a bitch, even with us being aged down slightly from our normal forms, she stood over me by an _INCH_!) and looked as if to give a report, but I cut her off. "Don't try to bull shit your way out of this, _Captain_. You are not as naive as you make people think, and I am not as lacking in the intelligence department as most people make me out to be. I _know_ what you've been doing, I just want you to tell me _why_." "Heh." She gave a soft smile and closed her eyes at that. "Cats out of the bag, huh?" "It's so out of the bag it escaped, ran away, and started a new life in Mexico going by the name of El Gato Loco of Chihuahua. Speaking of Mexico, though-" My face scrunched up after I took one good whiff in her direction. "You smell to high-heaven of Devils- I know you are supposed to watch the damn kids, but you didn't have to go take off all their clothes and start rubbing yourself on them!" "Hm, hm, hm, sorry, getting too into it, I suppose." She shook her head amusedly and shrugged her shoulders. "Oh well, what's done is done." " _Yeah_ …" Just as she made her way to open the door to the stairwell, I turned around and started looking over the blonde again. "Oh, and I shouldn't have to say this, considering who you are named after and all, but, don't touch the fire _too_ much, else you might burn yourself." "Ho? Is that a _threat_ , coming from the retired Espada who rescinded his aggressive ways decades ago to become the Hollow's front runner for all things health related?" At that, I couldn't help but chuckle. "You would expect that to be from him, wouldn't you? No." I turned my head enough to the side so that she could see what little color I had to my face pale into chalk white and that my eye had lost its iris, becoming all black with the sclera of my eye turning a blood red. "That's from the man that has killed more people than you have in the entirety of the Seireitei, beaten AND eaten his way to the top of the food chain, along with founding and creating many parts of the Hollow's culture that has let it survive against the likes of _you_." After that, I scoffed at her and returned to my observations.

" **Pi** ss me **off a** gain, an **d the** convers **ation we j** ust had w **ill be** come **a** _ **f**_ _u_ _ **n**_ _e_ _ **r**_ _a_ _ **l**_."

I cleared my throat.

"Now get on out of here, I have a patient to see to." Waving her off as she slowly ascended the stairs, I lifted the unconscious girls eyelid, looking to see her pupils- only for the other eye to suddenly open on it's own accord(Okay, so she wasn't _quite_ as dead to the world as I had thought; and yes, that was another pun, _deal with it_.). "Ah, and so it seems our little friend here has decided to join us in the realm of the living once more." I mused to myself as the girl just stared blankly at the ceiling. "So, now that you are conscious and I don't have to root around through your bra or anything for an ID, you can tell me your name yourself!"

Aaaaaaand she just kept staring.

"Hey, Earth to the blonde nun?" I tapped her forehead a few times. "This thing on?" Suddenly, she turned to me with the most hate filled glare I think I had ever been on the receiving end of, making me jump back a little bit and yelp. "Wow!" "I am NOT a nun; especially for that _man_ -" She spat that out with so much venom that I was afraid it was real and going to burn a hole through my shops floor(Yes, that was my priority at the moment- I don't have insurance yet, and getting this place ready wasn't fucking cheap, god damn it!). "-Who calls himself _God_." She winced and held her head. "Ow…" "Easy there, tiger. You only just woke up from your…" Uh- "Fuck it, from death, and on top of that you are already having an out of body experience; least you need is agitating the damn coot up in the sky." Or was he situated in space, or in some area _outside_ of space? Wait, if he was based in the sky, couldn't I just use the Reishi around me to climb up to Heaven?

Hm. Thoughts for later.

"'Specially with your new found, well, lets say _outlook on life_ , for convenience." Both for being a Hollow now(An already unholy species by those Angels, standards-), AND for seeming like she would neuter the big man if she ever got her hands on him(Which, admittedly, was hilarious when you thought of the tiny girl trying to neuter _the_ God.). At that, she just let out a hollow chuckle(Because I am always for plays on words, here at… Shit, already forgot what the story was called-) and situated herself to be sitting instead of laying on the table below her. "What does it matter, anyway? It is not like he can do anything about it." "Heh heh, yeah, uh, I would prefer it if you _didn't_ taunt the guy who could probably smite us in a few seconds. Especially when you do it in my newly established _shop_!" I was crying over the safety of my money(Er, _life_. I meant life.) at this point. "Ha! He can do nothing of the sort; not save the world, not harken people through the afterlife, not answer _prayers_ -" Okay, that last one sounded personal… Not really hard to tell _why_. "Yeesh, someone's belief in religion took a hard hit, today…" "No. Not my beliefs; just my trust and love for a _dead man_."

…

Eh?

"Okay, who died and made you-" " _God_! GOD IS DEAD! And even if he wasn't, he would have done _nothing_ to help me, or anybody else out in this cursed world!" God, _the_ God, was DEAD?! And just like that, my worry for the girls sanity increased just a smidge(Still made it near non-existent, though… Kind of hard to worry over sanity when you yourself have none in the first place, ya know?). "Wow, wow, slow down there, firecracker! Who on Earth told you that God was dead, one of those half-brained Fallen over at the church- that are about fifteen feet under right about now, by the by- that didn't know the letter 'A' from the number '1'?" "It wasn't _them_." She shook her head so much I was starting to think she was gonna make it fall off. "It was the person in charge, and the one who had the _pleasure_ of torturing me for the majority of my stay at that wretched place!"

Leader? That nitwit with the two pairs of take-out wings to go wasn't behind all this?

"Uh, okay, and who was that, pray-tell; er, I mean, please tell me." I withered a bit at the look she sent me for the 'prayer' comment(Yeah, okay, not my brightest moment, but then again, none of what I ever write could be legitimized as even averagely _intelligent_.) and tried to fix it, but failed miserably. "He did not out-right give me his name, but a title that anyone with half a brain that has read the different bibles could figure out; 'The Angel of the Stars'." Of course it was, because why ever make my life easy? "Kokabiel. _Lovely_. But that seems rather odd, now that I think about it. The Fallen are easily the most peace-seeking of the three bible factions, why would one of their Cadre do something that would easily be seen as a sign of aggression to the Church and Heaven?" That one didn't add up- well, then again, there was always bound to be one or more traitors to groups as large as the Devils, Angels, and Fallen, and I guess the Fallen got the short end of the stick when it so happened to be one of their leaders.

Still, to do something so bold as to try to steal the Sacred Gear of an ex-member of the Church? That was pushing it to the extreme; it was like he _wanted_ to start a-

"Oh my god, that glorious bastard wants to do my work for me." I mumbled to myself as the pieces started to fall into place. If he was trying to start a war, the Fallen would take the fall(Yes, more puns! I just can't _stop_!) for it, and all backlash that ensued as well, while the Hollows(And those other bastards we were aligned with as well, I suppose.) would still be the unnotarized party in this war, up until the war weakens them all and we can just swoop in for minimal casualties and wipe the damn fools from the face of the Earth(And other subsequent areas of it, like Hell and Heaven.). And while that went down, I could just lay back here, relaxing, and gathering mucho dinero from my(The other two would say _our_ , but really it was all mine.) business.

Now _that_ , I could easily work with.

"Oh yeah, I am starting to like _this_ certain chain of events." But moving on- "Uh, you okay? You've just kind of been, staring at me for the past few minutes while I was monologuing to myself." Indeed, she looked like she was observing _me_ (Well, at least she was still adorable as ever, eh?) while racking her brain. "You… Are you that man from the park?" She finally asked as her eyes widened. Wait, why couldn't she recognize me- oh, right. Outrageous outfit(No wonder she seemed more than a bit hostile before-). "Aye, that would be me- sorry about the outfit, boss says I gotta wear it whenever I am going into battle… Stupid battle outfit if you ask me, but no, _no one_ asks me."

Still pissed at that-

I mean, honestly! The Quincy's got a say in the outfit, the Shinigami got a say in the outfit, but the only fucking thing the Hollows got to pick out was the color(And even then it was just between white and black!).

"Wait." She put on the most precious thinking face for about five seconds, before a metaphorical light bulb went off above her head(Or was that just the faulty lighting- damn it, I shouldn't have sprung for the best products for the shop, because now I was gonna have to look over the horrid job that damn fat ass American did on my electrical circuits!). "Right before I passed out at the church, I remember vaguely seeing someone in all white coming to save me; that was _you_?" "Yeah, but, uh, you didn't _exactly_ pass out-" Pointing to a different booth from the one I had her on, she looked over to it, only to see the comatose Gigai I had made. "W-What?" She blinked and rubbed her eyes, only to still see the body before her. "That- That's my body!" "Yeeeeeeah. You kind of, _died_ , when those Fallen took your Sacred Gear from you. But!" I cut off whatever she was gonna say next. "Luckily for you, _I_ was there, and was able to bring you back to… Well, life isn't really the word I'd use, but hey, at least you're still around." I shrugged.

I mean, she was still _dead_ , but now she at least had a body and conscious attached to her.

"You… Brought me back from the dead." She slowly blinked. "Well, you're still dead, technically, just a different _kind_ of dead- you know, the one where you aren't just metaphysical energy floating through the world as it tries to find its way." I rubbed the back of my head. "Not really sure you would have gone to Heaven either with the… _Choice_ things you said in the last moments of your life, but you were still too pure to be sent to Hell, so really, I am not sure WHAT would have happened to you had I not revived you." Shaking my head, I reached for a pocket and pulled out a flask, which I soon quickly drained of its contents with a satisfied groan. "A-Ah, I see…"

After that it was all awkward silence for a few minutes, before I sighed and broke it. "To answer your unasked question, you are none of the races from the bible faction, nor any other you may know the existence of." She tilted her head to the side and put on a cute confused face. "Then… What-" "You, my dear girl, have had the horrifying pleasure of becoming a Hollow- congratulations!" I flicked one of her small horns, causing her to yelp and immediately reach to touch the new appendages(I don't know, are horns appendages? Whatever, this is my story anyway-). "I-I have horns?!" "Those, my sweet lass, are more than just horns; they are part of your mask, and your mask is a manifestation of your soul, which is used to further grant you, and as a whole, the Hollow race, with power beyond that of any being this world has known."

That broken mask is the reason why Shinigami have to immediately go into Shikai to even hope to match us- we were just too naturally powerful when compared to them, so they had to use their Zanpakutō's and _Demon Magic_ (Utterly retarded name, by the way, especially considering that WE were closer to demons than they were to begin with.) to bridge that gap.

"So… This mask is a sign that I am a…" She gulped now. " _Hollow_ , now?" "Well, that, your release, heightened instincts, and your Hollow hole. That's what usually distinct us from the other supernatural forces." She looked conflicted, but finally spoke up after a time. "Hollow… Hole?" "Oh yeah, you see, we Hollow's are incomplete- our souls are fragmented compared to others, and as a sign of that, we have our masks and, more specifically, our Hollow holes, which flaunt that we, as a race, are cursed to forever be missing that little something that make us who we are." I hummed. "Though, as a newly reincarnated one who skipped the whole 'Plus struck in the real world for months or years', you might not even have one. Do you feel sort of… _Empty_ , anywhere on your body?" Shut up, it was hard to describe, alright? "Not… Particularly. Though my mouth feels a little strange, like I am… _Missing_ , something." "Ah, that would be it. Here-" Reaching out, I lowered her jaw a bit, and grabbed onto her tongue, and reeled it from her mouth _far_ more than should have been physically possible, revealing a slightly slimmer than normal tongue that had an oval shaped cut out of it from the middle. "That would be your Hollow hole." Her eyes widened at the sight of it, and I stuck a finger through it at the bottom, wiggling it to show that the hole was indeed real, before letting go of it and stepping back.

"Now, I know you probably have at least a dozen more questions that need to be answered, it is late, and I was supposed to open the shop up tomorrow because I was only given a week to look for you before I had to give it up, but, I found you, and with a new face here, I am going to need to show you the ropes, so I will wait until the day after, instead, and teach you how it is to be a Hollow. Though, considering I haven't really become a Hollow the same as you, and it has been forever since I lost my hoomahnity, I can't really help you cope with the process as well as I would like. So, in the meantime, I will contact the others I have transformed this way- _yes_ , there are others I have done this on before- so that they may help you in my stead."

I also grumbled things about 'Terrible mooching aides that couldn't lift a finger to help me get a glass of water' as well, but she didn't need to hear that part.

"Now, the body you saw before is what we call a 'Gigai', and it holds onto our 'Soul' form, so that we do not give off Reiryoku into the world- and yes, you are doing that, too, and quite a _lot_ of it, as well, because you are still new to having this form and also because, for some reason, you have a literal shit ton of it compared to how much you had before, and considering you weren't a slouch in that department even before, that is saying something- to alert others of our presence, and, more importantly, so that the regular hoomahns with no sort of Reiryoku what to speak of can see us, because to them, in our 'Soul' forms, we are worse than invisible to them. For the night, and also tomorrow, I am going to have you stay out of it, however, so that you may get used to your new powers and body. You will be going into it, however, once I open this store- you are helping out around here with that, by the way, not having _another_ person mooch off me because at this point, it's past stupid and into _ridiculous_ \- so that you do not affect the people with your energy. But for now, I have a room set up for you upstairs, at the end of the hallway on the left, so I expect you to get some sleep for tomorrow, got it?" Seeing her nod rather enthusiastically, I saw her off to the stairs, and then sighed and plopped down onto a stool when she was finally gone.

"Damn it, I was hoping I wouldn't have to teach about being a Hollow anymore after the last one- this shits a pain in the ass, damn it!" Reaching into my clothing once more, I pulled out another flask and swiftly uncapped it. "Well, here's to me- being the dumb ass I am and creating those damn dice in the first place." However, before I could down the damn thing, a bang sounded off near the store, and suddenly, a bullet struck the window looking out into the street, piercing it and breaking it in the process. "My window!" It didn't stop, however, and whizzed past me, slamming into the counter of the bar, smouldering it and leaving the bullet stuck in it. "My counter!" Feeling the container in my hand lighten considerably, I looked back at it, only to cry at the misfortune of it all as the bullet had struck the bottom of the booze holder, putting a hole in it and draining the contents onto my counter.

"My _booze_!"

It totally wasn't wrong of me to ignore the letter attached to my door about holding up to the sobriety rule Lsm had placed on me to instead lap at the counter holding my booze with my tongue to get whatever of the glorious liquid I could, right?


	3. The Moltres and my Dinner- er, Bishop

**Yeah, sorry for the delay, but this new job is fucking killing me- terrible hours, next to no time off, plus it doesn't help I am breaking my ass off every day I go in, so writing has taken the back burner(** ** _Again_** **.) for my job, but luckily, I have finished this chapter, and it is longer than my usual ones, too.**

 **And, to also combat this scourge that calls itself a job, I have decided to make a page! That's right, soon, you will be able to pay me- to sit on my ass and do nothing.**

 **Nah, just kidding. I am actually making it so that I can quit it and be able to write more for not only myself, but you guys, as well. But also on top of that, I will, some time in the near future(Though, you people know that for me, near is between a a week and an entire year, but I digress.), be starting to take commissions for stories and descriptions- you playing an online game, and need some kind of sick representation of your bad-ass moves in the form of text? I will write it for you(For a nominal fee, of course.). You have a story idea that you want written, but suck too much ass at writing yourself for it to become a reality? Pay me and I'll make your dream come true! Or, for the more twisted people out there, I will be, for the first time ever, be trying out** ** _porn_** **for the first time, so if you are into some sick shit, I can hook you up with that, bruh.**

 **I don't honestly know when I will be done with making the page, but it will be made in time for the next update I make, and I will be sure to go back and add the link to all of my stories as well, so that you guys can go to it, see the reward,s and see if they are worth becoming a member under my banner- and what banner is that?**

 **THE GREAT SENPAI BANNER, OF COURSE! ENJOY THE CHAPTER!**

"Voila! Mu's Malts is now officially OPEN!" I grinned as I stood outside the storefront, with a massive neon pink sign finally hanging from the empty space on the building holding the name of the shop, with a large banner saying 'Grand Opening!' on it hung on the building as well to ensure people would know it is open and also brand new as well.

In the end, I had chosen just to make the place a malt shop with all different types of ice cream and even liquor for those of the right age(Or those with the right amount of currency; I don't discriminate when it comes to cash.), which would also allow me to run the bar at night for all the lonely bastards that need to drink memories away(Or those looking to make new memories to drink away- because transvestites were a thing even here in Japan.) or just the people needing to unwind after work.

I was going to try to make the place themed around karaoke at first, but then on my week off when I was looking for Asia(Finally got her name after only a little over a week of knowing her- a new record for me, really.), as I was searching for her throughout the city, I realized that around every goddamn corner there was a _fucking karaoke bar_ (Seriously, it was like this place was the capital for terrible singers that needed to prove themselves to the world by making themselves a hit at karaoke, or something.), so I just went down the path of least resistance and opened an ice cream parlor(Because despite the vast amounts of areas where people could go to yell their lungs out, there were no locations that seemed to serve the cold treat… Or even anything involving ice, either, such as ice skating rinks or frozen yogurt. It was almost like someone was afraid of ice or anything related to it for some reason so they removed everything remotely close to it from the city. Hm.) because of the lack of competition.

Sure, I could have just beaten back the other joints with good old fashioned hospitality, competitive rates, and innovation, but then I remembered that those things take _effort_ and just said fuck it and opened an ice cream shop.

"Well, now that I finished with this, all that's left is to open up and let the customers roll in." And to also openly observe Asia in that french maid outfit I had her wear for a uniform when working in the shop inside her Gigai, but mostly watch the customer's roll in(Even I could tell that was half-hearted at best…)! "Asia, get ready for when the customers come in!" "Hai, Mu-Sama!" Hearing that caused me to actually flinch in my stride through the bar, but I just as easily threw it off and continued my walk.

Apparently, after waking up yesterday, Asia had realized her faith in 'The Lord'(Seriously, what omnipotent being would call themselves that? Pretentious ones, that's who.) was sorely misplaced, and, being the type that thrived off having something to worship(Creeped me the hell out when I figured that out, as well-), chose to shift her adoration onto the next best option; the guy who just so happened to save her from death(That would be me, for those of you who haven't been reading the story and have just been skimming it over in search of lemons- yes, that means _you_.). So now that she actually had a living, breathing _God_ (Her words, not mine. Though I won't dismiss that it has a nice ring to it- no, bad me, do NOT start a religion!) right in front of her eyes, she has become just a _tiny_ bit fanatical, and insists constantly that she do all my work for me so that I don't have to 'Lift my divine hands' to do menial tasks(Like washing myself in the shower, apparently… How she managed to sneak into their without me noticing, I will never know-).

That also included running this shop(Which I finally had to put my foot down on, because, as I've found the night before, while her cooking skills were sublime, her baking skills were… Less than up to health standards for restaurants here in Japan, let's put it that way.).

Luckily for me, I was able to convince her that I needed to act the owner of the establishment, which meant I had to work the counter and make the various frozen concoctions I'd create and also serve the booze(You'd think it would take more than a million yen to buy off the police force in this city, but you would be wrong.) so that no one got suspicious that a small, fifteen year-old girl was running a shop, let alone a _bar_ (Not that a fifteen year-old looking Spirit is much better, but, you know, semantics.).

"How many times have I told you that you can't call me that inside the shop, Asia-Chan?" I sighed as I made my way to behind the counter, and started taking stock of all the freezers underneath it containing both the cream that makes you scream(How is that for a slogan? I was thinking about putting a banner in the window as well with it.) and the alcohol(That, in all honesty, I was probably going to be stealing drinks from…), making sure everything was in place for the grand opening. "Approximately fifty-seven times, Mu-Sama!" Fifty-six times in one day? Not as bad as I had thought. "In our disguises we are both equals, Asia-Chan. The customers will be wondering why the hell a girl the same age as me is adding on 'Sama' to my name." "And if any of them ask, I will simply tell them it is because I owe a debt to you for not only saving my life, but taking me into your home as well as giving me a job at your fine establishment, Mu-Sama!" Is it just me, or has becoming a Hollow made an extremely devious side of that girl come to the fore-front of her personality all of a sudden?

Please, for the love of the dead God, let it just be me…

"That is still in no way a-"

 ***DING***

I blinked.

A customer, already? We only just opened like, three minutes ago, and it was six in the morning-

Shaking it off, I lifted myself from my bent position under the counter and started welcoming our first customer. "Ohayō! Welcome to Mu's Malts, and as our first customer of the day _and_ our first customer EVER, whatever you want is on the-" I stopped as I finally got a look at the person now sitting on the bar stool in front of me. "-House. Look, if you are here to grill me, you better buy something or-" And it was only just then did I remember that she was my first customer. "Mother fucker- just say what you want and get out." "Special of the day." I blinked again, and looked behind me at the small chalk board that, did indeed, have our specials of the day; specifically THE special of the day. "Hm. Right, chocolate trapped in chocolate, dipped in chocolate, sprinkled with chocolate, served on chocolate. 'Death by chocolate'." I shook my head and got to work on it. "So, you gonna tell me why you're here, or are you going to just beat around the bush that you probably haven't been able to grow because you look like you are barely older than twelve?" If the girl looked annoyed or angered by the comment, she expertly didn't show it. "I like sweets. You sell sweets." I raised a brow as I got out the chocolate bowl(Chocolate shaped into a saucer, then frozen, so that it could hold materials just like a bowl, hence the name-) and placed it on a glass plate. "And you expect me to believe that you are just here, _immediately_ after I open up, for the first time, looking to sate your sweet tooth? Yeah, gonna have to forgive me if I don't believe you, little kitty."

Koneko just shrugged as I placed the plate in front of her, slapping massive scoops of chocolate ice cream that were hand dipped in a chocolate sauce, giving it an extra outer layer of chocolate _on top_ of the already chocolatey creation, with chunks of chocolate stuck inside of the inner layer of chocolate, and then proceeded to sprinkle on top of it all, ground chocolate dust(Like the things that you hoomahns use to make chocolate milk, but in powder form, I believe.), and then finished it up by sticking numerous chocolate wafers through the balls of frozen ice, ending the choco-treatment as I placed a spoon in front of her. "Voila; 'Death by chocolate'. Enjoy- and then kindly get the fuck out or actually die from the overload of chocolate, either or is fine by me." Heading over to the sink at the corner of the wall at the back of front of the counter, I started cleaning the few utensils I had used to craft the dish. "Asia-Chan, go outside and start attracting customers with your adorableness, will ya?" I didn't even need to turn to see the salute(It's even adorable in my mind!) the girl gave me as she moved to do just that. "Hai, Mu-Sama!" As the bells rang out once more, indicating that she left, I sighed.

"Willing to talk, now?" The girl stayed silent for all of five seconds before putting her spoon down. "Buchou- _I_ , need help." I raised a brow again as I turned to face the girl. "You mean to say you need help to help your boss- holy shit, where did you put that thing?!"

My dish, that towered at least a foot into the air, was entirely gone from the plate- as were the wafers and the chocolate bowl placed on top of it, as well.

"Delicious." The girl gave a thumbs up, even through that stoic face of hers, as my jaw just dropped even more. "It hasn't even been a minute…" Deciding to mourn the loss of one of my greatest inventions later, I moved on with the topic. "Right, anyway- what is it you need help with? She having money issues, can't find the correct shoes in her size, having troubles with her boy-toy?" At the wince from the last one, I palmed my face. "Oh sweet lord, do not tell me you need me to go beat up some punk or worse; go out with the redhead to make said punk _jealous_." The cat actually seemed to be contemplating that notion, before shaking her head slowly. "As easy as that sounds, I don't think it would work." At my lazy gaze, she elaborated. "Devil laws." "Ah, such fickle things, annoying too." I much prefer Hollow ones- mostly because there _were_ no Hollow laws. Such freedom. Much disorder. "Agreed. But, we need to do this by the book…" "And that book has _what_ written in it?" "That we- Buchou's Peerage- must defeat Riser's- the pig that wants Buchou as his _slave_ \- Peerage, in a Rating Game." "Rating Games, eh?" I leaned forward onto the counter. "Haven't really heard much about them, sad to say. What does that entail?" "Fighting- specifically, the only four members of my fellow Peerage members, versus Riser's fifteen."

I whistled. "Well, that sounds like it sucks to be you, and more specifically, _not_ me, who has to do nothing at all to save her because she has done nothing for me, and some would even go so far to say she has wronged me." I leaned even further into the bar, staring over into the cat's eyes with a dull look. "'Some' is a metaphor for 'Me' in this case." "I know that…" The cat looked away from my gaze in shame, no doubt remembering what had occurred only a few nights ago. "But I am not asking you to help us defeat him! All we need is for you to-" "Bzzzt, don't think so." I shook my head as she looked at me in disbelief. "Have no use in training a bunch of brats- especially when it does fuck all for _me_. You're better off asking her brother or something; isn't he the leader of the Maous or some shit, anyway?" She hesitated, probably thinking of a way to convince me, most likely. "He is… But, as this contract was designed by him and the other Maous, they cannot interfere in this even if they wanted to-" "Woah, woah, woah, hold up there pussycat. Did you just say that this kids own _brother_ , signed her away, to be given to this ostensible prick?" "Y-Yes, but-" "Then why the fuck are you kids fighting this?! If he is her brother, and not to mention the LEADER of you Devils, his word should be LAW, and if he is sending her off to him, he obviously knows what he is doing!" "But he didn't! He didn't know things would turn out like they did, that's why he proposed this Rating Game in the first place-" "Hold the fuck up, now you are losing me. So her _brother_ \- the Satan- signed her off at what I am guessing was birth, to be wed off to this dude, and now almost two decades later is deciding to de _tract_ the proposal, all because he 'Isn't a very nice guy'?"

My _god_ were these Devils utterly retarded!

Damn kids don't know at all what they are doing…

"Holy shit, if he was just gonna eventually do that, he shouldn't have sold off his fucking _sister_ to someone he didn't even KNOW! And instead of risking it all on a poorly thought out plan, just, you know, _CANCEL THE CONTRACT BY HIMSELF_!" "He can't-" "FUCK ALL, HE CAN'T! HE'S THE LEADER OF THE MAOU'S- THE LEADING AUTHORITY IN YOUR DAMN UNDERWOLRD FOR FUCKS SAKE! IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE OR BITCH ABOUT IT, _SUCKS TO BE THEM_ , THEY AREN'T THE LEADER OF THE LITERAL HELL!" Suddenly freezing, I slowly turned to the door, where an elderly couple stood stock still as I yelled my lungs out inside my own shop. "Ahem. Hello?" And just like that they were gone. "Son of a bitch, my customers!" Growling, I slowly dragged my hand down my face in frustration. "Look, this whole thing is just pissing me off, and I am starting to lose customers already, _on my first day_ , so you need to leave." "But-" "No buts! Well, not unless you are willing to show me yours- but aside from that, I ain't helping you or that bimbo you call boss, either. Nothing in it for me to make it worthwhile." Shooing her away, I picked up her plate and made to go put it into the sink.

"Wait!" Sighing, I turned around. "Look, if you really _are_ going to show me your ass, you are going to have to come back after hours-" "Not that, Pervert!" She blushed a bit and swallowed deeply, as if preparing for a snake or something to come out of her mouth from her throat in a few seconds. "You… You're rather connected to the world, aren't you? I can tell by the energy you released before, and your smell." Hm. Well, I suppose because I actually went through the natural afterlife process, and not the bastard versions of the other factions, I had a sort of connection to the Earth that others simply didn't. "You aren't as close to the land as us Yokai, but you seem to be a lot closer to it than the other supernatural beings I've been around. Plus your energy was, _far_ different compared to theirs, as well, so…" She took a breathy sigh at this. "I believe that I can help you learn about… _Senjutsu_." The way she spat it out obviously had some kind of back story to it, but that could wait until later, because she had piqued my interest, at least. "Senjutsu? Like the stories of the original Sun Wukong and some kind of hill, or tree, or something?" "Not, really, no, but he _was_ said to be the original user of Senjutsu, and the base founder of the techniques all Yokai capable of it use today." "Hm." I placed the dish down into the sink and used my newly freed hand to stroke my chin. "And you are willing to part with its secrets and teach me how to use this new form of power?"

That seemed like a terrible thing to do. You know, give someone you don't even know is an ally yet a new found source of power; and a relatively secret one that shouldn't be handed out to even the most trustworthy of friends, either.

She at least seemed to hesitate for a while, before nodding reluctantly. "If you help us win this Rating Game, then yes." Well, aren't _they_ , desperate? "Hmmmmm. Alright, fine. I'll help you win this silly little game, and in exchange, you teach me what you know about this mysterious nature energy crap. Now, how long did you say was until the beat down?" "Starting today, only ten." "Ten days to whip some sorry ass into shape… Meh. Done worse." Reaching down into one of the only two pockets I had on this stupid uniform, I pulled out a roll of black stickers that were outlined in white. Looking to see that they were what I was needing, I nodded and threw the entire thing over to the surprised cat girl. "Once you get back home, or wherever it is you are going, put one sticker on each limb, your torso, on every joint, every major muscle group, and wherever else you want to grow in on your body and go to the abandoned church where you first noticed me at seven tonight. And _only_ you." "What? But you said-" "I know what I said, and I said I'd help _you_ win this rating thingy- I'm not helping the others because, unlike you, they have nothing to give me in exchange for my help."

Well, I wouldn't be adversed to getting some saucy photos of that black haired devil from before, but I doubt I'd be able to get my hands on those.

"I am supposed to be going with the rest of my Peerage members to train outside the city, though…" "Well tell them you've already gotten somebody who would help you train- _and only you_ \- and send them on their way while you get ready for your Hell on Earth for the next ten days." I shrugged, nonplussed. "Or don't, I don't particularly care either way. But if you're serious about this, be there, at _seven_. No earlier, no later. Got it?" She hesitated for all of a second before nodding. "Hai, Pervert." "Oi, that's _Sensei_ to you." "Hai, _Pervert_ -Sensei."

Oh this kid…

* * *

"Well, gonna be honest, thought you would be dead by now."

A groan was my only response from the devil face down in the dirt next to the bonfire I had made in the forest on the night before the Rating Game was to be held.

"I mean, seriously. Usually when I shove my hand into someone, they either die or feel very, _very_ good-" "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Smiling a bit at being able to crack the hard shell that was the Neko Devil, I relented. "Alright, alright. Still, I was expecting you to have quit after the second day, if not the first after I punched you so hard that my hand came out the other side of your body." "Please don't remind me." The girl shivered from her position on the ground, and I let out a bark of laughter. "Hey, at least it wasn't as bad as when I stripped you and threw you to the savages for thirty-six straight hours."

By threw, I meant into a Garganta, and by savages, I meant the Hollow's in the Menos Forest.

Stripping was entirely what you thought it was, though(My only issue with that is that the cat didn't have any assets to ogle when she was running for her life.).

"You're crazy, you know that?" "The politically correct term is 'Sociopath with a tendency to act insane every once in a while.'." The groaning only got louder. "Anyway, you have a match to win tomorrow, so you should be passing out soon so you can get as much sleep as possible- and no, I _won't_ strip you and send you off to places with barbaric creatures with a wicked hunger for kitty-ala-mode this time." Yeesh, you try to maim a girl once- "You can rest easy tonight, I have nothing else planned for you so that you can be ready for whatever they throw at you during your little playground brawl in the Underworld. I will also be sending you off so you won't have to worry about missing the fight by sleeping in for a week." She lifted her head a tiny bit to look at me questioningly. "You know where we are supposed to go?" "HA!" I scoffed and shook my head. "Your little 'Occult' club- real shitty cover, by the way- isn't at all hard to find, and that is where the others of your ilk are going to be gathering for the pre-game strategy meeting, no doubt. Not like they'll need it, anyway, what with my training and _her_." Throwing me more curious looks, I waved her off. "You'll figure it out tomorrow. But like I said, get some sleep, never know when you will get it next, and shit. Hell, you should know by now with my training anyway!" She leveled a glare at me that would have worked far better had she not been face down in the dirt with nothing but a shredded skirt that left nothing to the imagination, and a school shirt that was missing one long sleeve and gave a complete view of what was going on in the chest area, had she not been, you know, face down, ass up, kind of thing. "Constantly groping me while I am trying to sleep to the point where I then have to try and go _hide_ so that you can't find me is not training."

I grinned lecherously.

"Semantics, semantics." "That still doesn't change the fact it isn't _training_." "Oh just hush and take a nap already, you grumpy kitten." Slicing a narrow cut into my right palm with one of my fangs, I reached over and placed it on top of the Neko's back and shot a pulse of Reiatsu into the blood, causing it to soak into her skin and make her give off an unconscious mewl as the liquid worked it's magic and started not only healing what little cuts and bruises she had left, but reducing the soreness in her muscles as well as refilling her dwindling pools of 'Magic'. "That's it, that's it, that's a good girl. Just let Mu-Oji work your stress away." "Not a- mew! A cat, or a small girl, Pervert…" "Oi! That's Pervert- _Sensei_ to you, you little brat!" She gave a non-committal moan in response and relaxed further into my palm in her back. "Haaaaaaaaa. Kids these days." Shaking my head at the sadness of it all, I reached over with my unoccupied hand and started taking off the stickers I had her place when we first began.

"Ah… I forgot. What was the purpose of those?" "Well, my little kitten-" Ignoring her irritated cat growl, I continued. "-Considering we only had ten days to whip you into shape, I had to think over how I was going to make any real lasting changes that would get you stronger in time for the _gaaames_. And the only real options I had were to either slow down time so that a day be longer than what it was supposed to be- entirely impossible, by way." What did you think this was, Dragon Ball with a Hyperbolic Time Chamber? Put some reading glasses on and read the crossover, you damn Gremlins. "So the only thing I could do was speed up your _body_." "You… Sped up my _body_?" "Well, to be more precise, these little stickers made it so that every muscle in your body was as fragile as glass, meaning they broke down easier than normal, which also means parts of said muscles that weren't normally touched by exercising or normal everyday activities were destroyed as well." She sat up with a startled expression on her face at that, soreness and injuries put on the sideline at the moment. "You destroyed my muscles?! Is that why I feel so much weaker than normal-" Slapping the back of her head, she went back to being sprawled on the ground. "Don't move while I am dealing with injuries. And no, you feel weaker than normal because you decided it would be a good idea to strain yourself the last three hours when I specifically told you to chill until you had to go to the Rating Game. And also, why are you freaking out about the muscle thing? Don't you know that even slightly moving your pinky finger destroys _some_ kind of muscle?"

Seeing her blush and look away sheepishly was all I needed to know that no, she _didn't_ know that.

"Oh come on, I'm not even in school and I know that!" Putting down all the stickers I had collected, I shot a quick ember at the small pile, sending them up in a blaze as I then proceeded to smash my palm into my face at the stupidity of these damn hoomahns and their 'Educational' system. "This is how it works; when you move a limb, bend, twist, even just making a face, you extend a muscle, and that, in turn, stretches, or, in some cases, rips them, and when that happens, your muscles grow to accommodate the new movement, and that is people become stronger, faster, limber-" Pause. "Well, more flexible, lets go with that. What those stickers did for you, was tighten up your muscles to the point that even a slight twitch would be enough to rip apart most of the nearby tissue in the limb you twitched, and made it so that said muscles fixed themselves at an accelerated rate, making the growth and evolution of your muscle tissue impossibly easy and incredibly fast. And if that wasn't enough, the stickers would also reset the tautness of the tissue to incredibly tight, so that even though the new muscles were better than previously, they would be almost as easy to break as the previous incarnations."

Sighing, I shook my head and retracted my hand from the now fully healed teen and helped her to her feet. "Normally, what I gave you would be enough to make our ten days, to your muscles, at least, seem like a month or so had passed. But, for some weird reason, the matrixes inside the damn things seemed to have been overloaded with… _Something_ \- if I had to take a guess, I would say it was that 'Senjutsu' energy you told me about, because I could not identify the residue from my data banks, and there are very few, if _no_ energy presences I cannot identify or recognize from it, but that shit was definitely one of them. And because it was overloaded, my invention did not work as well as it should have." "You mean I did not gain the accelerated growth like I should have?" While the girl looked concerned, I coughed awkwardly and glanced away. "Uh, no, actually. In fact, it is the exact opposite, of that." Tilting her head to the side, she gave me one of those confused faces only a cat would be able to create. "The… Opposite?" "Yeeeeeeeah- well, originally, those stickers were good for up to three months use, _buuuuuuuuuuut_ , I believe you unconsciously tried to gain more power when I was training you so harshly, and that in turn led to you tapping into small amounts of the Senjutsu veins the world apparently has, and trying to absorb it into yourself- only for that to fail and for the chakra to seep into the stickers and make them work in overdrive. Normally, that wouldn't be a problem, because they were good for up to three months anyway, but that Senjutsu REALLY put those things to work, and, if my calculations are correct, the three months passed somewhere around the third day of training."

"What?!" The girl was shocked, to say the least. "What happens when the three months are up, then?" "They stop working, obviously. _However_ , what I didn't take into account was an outside source somehow being able to power the little guys over the max of what they were intended to go." "But that's, good… Right?" "Oh sure, there's no real downside to that other than my inventions being burned out and being useless to even engineer new ones." "I am sensing a 'but' here…" "Heh, funny you should say that, because you should look behind you-" Acquising to my request, the girl did, and when she found nothing, she looked down, and her eyes widened. "M-M-My-My-" "Your ass, yes, I get it. And might I say, what a fine one, at that." Turning around, she sent me a glare, before it dropped and her eyes widened as she realized something( _Finally_ -). "You- I don't have to look up to glare at you!" "Yyyyyep." Popping the 'p' at the end, I stuffed my hands inside my pockets as the girl studied her height difference in great detail. "I am as tall as you." "Uh-huh. All five feet and six inches."

Did it irritate me that she had a sudden growth spurt? No way.

Did it irritate me that the small girl from before had grown so much in ten days? Naaaaah.

Did it irritate me that the tiny little kitty freshmen had a growth spurt large enough to actually match my Gigai's height in just ten days?

You bet your sweet ass it did.

"It would appear that my little devices worked a wee-bit too hard, and instead of making it so that your body thought a month had passed instead of a year, it made it think that in a _year_ , three more had gone by." Suddenly reaching out to poke a rock hard bicep that, most honestly, put mine to shame(I was always more a speed-caster type, anyway. Not one for brute force even on my worst days.), I whistled. "Damn, you could probably cut _diamonds_ with your pecs at this point- though, speaking of pecs…" I trailed off as I realized that, although her body had grown, her clothes most certainly _did not_. "Well. I think I know where all that muscle mass that should have made you bigger than a pro-football player went." I said as I eyed the jiggling globes in all their glory, barely hindered by the bra she had on before.

Suddenly, an arm covered my view, but before I could whine in disappointment, a fist collided with my face and sent me _soaring_ through multiple trees, until I finally stopped at a rock wall.

Well, my _Gigai_ , did, anyway, as my Spirit form was ejected from it the minute the punch landed.

"Holy shit, you just killed my Gigai in one punch…" I was actually baffled by this as, even though it _was_ designed to be hoomahn, it would have taken at least a dozen or so major attacks from even something like a High-class Devil before it was down for the count.

But this fucking girl managed to cave in my skull with no weapon, just her fist and righteous feminine fury. "I think I'm in love…" "Ah! I'm sorry!" She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands as she rushed over to my corpse(It was useless, now- if I was sent out of it, it was dead on impact.) to help it out. Slapping my cheeks to get out of my daze, I made my way slowly over to her. "Don't bother, it's dead." To confirm my thoughts, as she removed a piece of rock away, the bloody remains of what used to be my head was all that she was rewarded with(Well, that and teeth, cartilage, hair, and brain matter, but I was trying to run a story here, people, not a horror show.). "No…" Apparently not hearing my voice in her trance, the girl fell to her knees, and started crying. "No, no, no, no, NO!" "Uh, hey, you okay there-" Ignoring me again, she continued spouting nonsense and shedding tears for a body that deserved none of them. "I-I killed him… I killed the one who helped me… I really _am_ just like my sister." "Well, if you are even half as hot as your sister is, I would not mind dying to see her-" Once more my dialogue turned into a monologue as the teen curled up on herself and started sobbing. "I'm sorry, Sensei… I'm so sorry." "Oh, so _now_ you choose to call me Sensei?! When I am dead and can't hear anything you say- this is horse shit!"

As if profanity had some kind of trigger to the girl, she jumped up and finally stared at me with red, puffy eyes from crying. "S-Sensei… Is-Is that you?" "No, I'm just the ghost of Christmas Past coming to tell you that you should have fucked that girl from the office Christmas party all those years ago so that you wouldn't turn out to be a dick decades later." Having dealt with my sarcastic satire this past week and a half, the once tiny teenage Devil knew what that it was, indeed, me.

And proceeded to crush the fuck out of me with a hug not soon after.

"Sensei!" "Shit, kid, you have the grip of a psychotic girlfriend twice your crazy!" Wiggling around to try and get out of her hold, I was surprised to see that I couldn't actually escape without getting serious about it. "Well I'll be damned, you actually became stronger than my Spirit form." "'Spirit form'?" At that she blinked and let me go from her death grip to look me over, noticing that I was somewhat taller than her again and not the same height like before. "You mean you really _are_ a ghost now?"

Now, I _could_ give her a proper answer in this situation.

"Yes, and I have come back from the grave to haunt you and demand recompense!" I started wiggling my arms in her direction. "Oooooooooh, take off the bra and let me see your massive tits, now!"

Or I could act like a complete idiot(As always.) and be the child that I wasn't.

She didn't even hesitate to smack me(Noticeably softer, this time- still enough to absolutely wreck an eighteen-wheeler, though.) upside the head, sending me into the ground and causing dust to spill everywhere as I created a small crater upon impact. "Pervert-Sensei is perverted…" "Would you _really_ have me any other way?" I grinned and leapt to my feet, dusting off my Arrancar coat as I did, causing her to send me a flat look. "I would take just about anything else, to be honest." "Harsh." Reaching out, I placed a head on top of her head(Hm. Even her hair seemed to have grown with her- weird, that wasn't a muscle that could grow like the rest of her body…) and made a hand sign with my other hand. "Ahem, 'Not the Henge no Jutsu Because that is Copyrighted and I don't want to be Sued' technique!" After the completely unneeded farce of a ritual, I sent out some of my Reiatsu through the cats body, causing her to groan, before her form shimmered and after it settled, she was back to looking like she did ten days ago. "Wha-" "Okay, that form should hold up until after the Rating Game so that your team isn't going to question your sudden boost in power and massive change in appearance." "You can change people's appearances at will like that?"

I clicked my tongue and let go of her head, shoving the hand into a pocket afterward and stalking over to a tree and sitting down at its base. "Not really, no. Your form is only temporary- a physical illusion, if you will. I was only able to give it to you because your magic reserves didn't grow with your body, and as such, there was left a major gap between your physical energy- your Yang- and your mental energy- your Yin. And because of that, your chakra was all out of whack, so I took the liberty of loaning you some of Spiritual energy to fill that hole, and in doing so, I was able to make your appearance change in the short-term of things." "You-You know about chakra?" I shrugged. "How, though?" "I watch a lot of Naruto…? Anyway, like I said before, that form is only temporary, and will no doubt shatter into your older, _much_ more mature persona the day after tomorrow, so be ready with some kind of cover story for your people, because, to be honest, I got nothing." Shrugging at the once again tiny Neko, I sighed and leant back against the tree, shutting my eyes in the process. "Wait, you said my chakra was out of whack- what did you mean?" Opening one eye to look at the concerned girl who now sat right next to me, I let out another breath. "It means that while the physical part of your energy increased vastly because of your sudden growth in both stature and power, it also meant that the mental part of your chakra was left in the dust and is nowhere near as matured as your other half, so you may find many techniques you knew- or what few you have, at least- to be extremely hard to use now until your body assimilates my Reiatsu as your own and it balances out perfectly with your new-found power."

The explanation didn't seem to put her to ease- if anything, she looked more concerned than before. "Isn't that a bad thing? You aren't a Devil, you aren't any human that I know of, and your certainly no Nekoshou, so wouldn't a transfer of energy be… _Dangerous_?" At that, I hmphed and scooted away from her indignantly. "Sheesh. You help a tiny little kitten in trouble, and all they do is bite the hand that fixed them! Rude." "A-Ah, that isn't to say that I am not grateful, but…" "Relax, while I am not a Devil or Nekoshou as you have said, I do know the Reiryoku signature of most hoomahns, and am able to purify my own to a small extent to make it an almost exact replica of theirs. I used that to give to you, and considering you are about a quarter hoomahn, you should be fine. Now, if that is all, I would _like_ to try and get some sleep!" Closing my eyes again, I quickly went off into the realm of slumber.

"Ah, but, you haven't explained how you aren't dead, yet."

God damn it, I knew there was something I was forgetting-

* * *

"Holy shit, I forgot how tiring training someone, keeping tabs on other supernatural forces, running a store front, and leading a group of people could be." I yawned as I opened up the store again, this time alone as I left Asia to go shopping for some new clothes(I was starting to feel bad about only getting her french maid outfits to wear when she first came here, anyway.) while I manned the shop. "Hm. But in good news, that Rias girls Peerage won against Riser's- easily, if I am led to believe anything." Rolling my eyes as I thought of just who was on that team in the first place, I couldn't believe anyone would have thought otherwise. "But back to serious matters, where the hell did I put my golden scoop-"

Yes, I owned a golden scoop, and _no_ , it was not a waste of money.

It was an investment… What kind of investment? The kind where you don't put your snooping noses into my shit, you damn leeches.

"Although, speaking of leeches, where the hell are the rest of my ragtag group of moochers?" It had been almost two weeks since I sent out the recall, but I hadn't heard, let alone seen, a single one of them. Now, I wasn't really the strict type(You tend not to have to be when people just know you slice off limbs if you do something you don't like.), but when I told them that we had a new recruit that needed to be taught the ropes, I had expected them to show up, at the latest, a _week_ , and it's already almost been twice that long. And I know they weren't captured or killed, because, like me, they are too stubborn to die(It also helps that they are some of the strongest beings on the planet after I was through with them, but, semantics.), and I also doubt they were being held up by anything because, like I said before, _moochers_.

But, at any rate, if worse came to worst, I would go search for them myself after three weeks and they still hadn't shown up(Luckily for me, I knew the exact locations at which they liked to mooch- I mean _hang out_ … Yeah.). And knowing my luck, I would have to do just that.

 _Joy_.

Hearing the bell chime at my door brought me out of my funk, however, and I shook my head to get my bearings back. "Ah, Ohayō! Welcome to- oh, it's you again." Ignoring my mutterings of 'Never getting paying customers', Koneko made her way to a stool and took a seat( _Her_ seat, as she has so possessively claimed- bitch needs to learn that I paid good money for that fucking thing!). "I don't care _how_ much you beg and make faces, I am not giving you more free products!" Crossing my arms and turning away from her, I chose instead to look over the inventory again. "Senseeeeeeei…" "Nope." "Pweeeeeease?" "Not happening." "Not even if I-" "No, not even _then_." "Well, how about _now_?" Blinking, I turned at her sudden shift from pleading to- _sensual_?-

And immediately wished I hadn't as blood spurt like a geyser from my nose as she purred with half-lidded eyes, and leaned forward, not so subtly showing off cleavage that rivaled her own bosses and would leave any porn star _jealous_ in her new Kuoh uniform that she most likely had to get before going to school today. "Y-You will not tempt me, d-demon! Not even with those-" I gulped as my gaze dipped lower on her body( _Again_.). "-Tantalizing, mouth watering- NO!" Shaking my head, I averted my gaze. "I shall not be swayed so easily by boobs!"

This time, at least.

"Ah, but _Sensei_ -" Jesus Christ, even her just saying that made me shiver(When did she suddenly become a veritable Goddess of seduction?!)! "-Don't you want to congratulate me for my success in the Ratings Game, yesterday?" She smiled that sickeningly coy smile and reached over to to graze her fingers across my arm, causing my eye to twitch. "Not particularly, no." "Please don't be so cruel, Sensei." She leaned over the counter and actually _blew_ into my ear! "I think your little kitten deserves to be…" I couldn't see her face at the moment, but I could still tell she licked her lips in anticipation. " _Rewarded_."

And that is how, five minutes later, Koneko was eating a two foot tall pile of assorted ice cream flavors at one of my tables, her expression indifferent again, and I was currently getting my money's worth from my bar counter in the form of trying to break either it or my head as I banged it against the flat, marble surface repeatedly at being seduced by a _fifteen year-old_.

I was hoping it would be my head, at this point, because it was either that or my pride when the other Hollow's found out about this slip-up.

"Alright, you little shit-" "We are the same height, Sensei." "-You came here for a reason, so what is it?" At that, the girl stopped eating and looked up, as if in thought, then looked over to me. "Ah, I forgot." My eyebrow twitched. "You… _Forgot_?" She at least had the decency to turn away and blush a little. "I got caught up trying to get free treats out of you." "Right." I rolled my eyes and held up an envelope. "It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with this thing I found hiding in your bra when you were giving me quite the show, would it?" At her eyes widening, I scoffed. "Sorry, my _little kitten_ , but you're a few years too young to be attempting to garner things with your body without me allowing it." I absently rubbed the air she blew in. "Ten out of ten, though. If I wasn't so experienced, I would have been putty in your hands. But in any case, what's in the envelope?" "Ah, yes. Buchou's brother is hosting a party in celebration of her win in the Ratings Game, and it is going to be what people are calling 'The biggest waste of resources for the biggest bash in centuries', and she wanted to invite the person who trained me like they did-" "To try and recruit me into her little band of merry misfits, see if I would train the rest of you like I did for you, and scan for a potential threat. Supernatural politics, always the highlight of my day when I get to be involved in them." I said sarcastically as I banged my head one last time into the counter, actually cracking it _and_ my skull. "Ow." "Ah, sadly, I think you are correct in your assumption… But, I promise that I will make sure that nothing bad happens to you, Sensei!" Looking back up, I saw the girl give me a determined look as she readied a fist, causing me to sigh. "Now how can I say no to such an adorable face my cute little student is making? Alright, I will go to this little swaray- when is it?" "Tonight, actually."

At that, I rose an eyebrow.

"The immediate day _after_ you win this game, and you're having the party of the century? Geez, what is this guy, the biggest siscon in Kuoh?" She gave me a look so dry, I was gonna need something to drink soon. "Try the _world_."

* * *

"Say what you will about skirts, but _man_ do these things breathe!" I stretched a bit, causing my kimono to stretch as well, showing off my(In my, _totally_ humble opinion-) amazing body as I waited outside the Kuoh Academy ORC club building, ready to be transported to the Underworld with the Devils of the town, who were each getting ready inside the building behind me.

Deciding to dress for the occasion(For once in my undead life.), I wore an elegant white kimono with black butterflies dancing gracefully across the expanse of the cloth that ended just before it reached the ground, covering everything but the garb from view on my person(As I usually liked it- no one ever expects a dagger to the stomach when you are wearing a concealing and unassuming dress.). Knowing, of course, that Devils knew little to nothing of anything hoomahn related, including Japanese culture, I forewent any suits or other such formal wear that might link me to some other foreign power or faction, and chose, instead, to wear this countries dress so that they might suspect me to be some unimportant(If somewhat powerful-) hoomahn from Japan.

Though, the stark, spiky, burnt-orange hair might ruin my disguise, a little bit…

"Ah, so _this_ is the person that trained my dear little Koneko!" Turning around as the Devils finally exited the club house, I looked over to the person who spoke-

And promptly started to twitch erratically as I had to look _up_ slightly to meet them in the eye because of my Gigai's height.

"Um, Koneko, is there something wrong with your friend, here? He seems to be having some type of seizure…" "Ah, no, he is fine. He just doesn't like being short." "Oi! You're one to talk, you little midget! You were barely up to my chest just a week ago!" "Ah, but I am now able to look you straight in the eyes without any inclination of my head, so your point is invalid." "Ooooooooh, you are going to get it now, you little shi-" "Ara, ara, it seems little Koneko-Chan has garnered quite the crush!" Glancing over at the hybrid Fallen, my eyes were quickly drawn to the expanse of cleavage she so obviously left out in the air before I lazily looked back up at her. "Hey Koneko, is the raven haired one 'Milk-tits' or is it the redhead? I forget." "Ah, Akeno-Senpai." "Oh, so it _is_ her. Got it." "Ara, such disrespect from my little Kouhai's! It looks to me that they might be in need of a little-" She licked her lips sensually. " _Punishment_." "Pffft, lady, I have crossed paths with _far_ worse sadists then yourself. Your punishment would be my amusement, if anything." "Speaking of amusement, I must say, seeing Koneko flattening not one or two, but _all_ of Riser's Pawns like she did was quite the show, I must admit."

Taking my eyes off the Devil/Fallen teen(Factoid for those of you who _aren't_ super powered like me; never take your eyes off a sadist.) in favor of the leader of the pact, I rose an eyebrow. "You another sadist? Because at this point I wouldn't be surprised if _all_ of your ilk enjoy other people's misery." "Hahaha, no, but I _can_ appreciate a show of power like any other Devil before me, and Koneko's sudden surge of it quite honestly has my curiosity… _Peaked_." Weird sense of Dejavu at this point. "Sorry, Gremory Rias, but I have no intention of being turned Devil any time soon." Or ever, really. "Hm. You remind me of another man who refused my offer, as well. Being rejected twice already in the same month... I must admit, I am not one who takes rejection well." Narrowing my eyes at the perceived threat, I was ready to shoot out a hand and grip her by the throat, but to my suprise, Koneko got in between the two of us and destroyed any tension with her presence. "Buchou, I wanted to ask, where is Kikyo-San at? I do not see or sense her anywhere." "Hm." her focus shifted from me back to her Rook. "She said she had some urgent matters to take care of back at…" She took(Or what she thought, was-) a subtle glance in my direction, but just as quickly moved it back to the cat girl. "Her home, so she will, sadly, not be joining us tonight."

"A shame, that Kikyo-San could not join us this evening. Sirzechs-Sama would have liked to personally meet the reason you won the Ratings Game to thank her, but alas, it was not to be." Not reacting to the new presence as everyone else jumped out of their skin at the sudden arrival, I sighed and took out a pack of smokes. "Was wondering why you were just wandering around the area and not taking us to this party of yours, but I suppose looking for any hidden threats that I might have brought with me took priority, hm?" "Indeed." The new Devil appeared before me in a flash, startling everyone but me once more. "Hoho?" My eyebrows raised as I took in the new arrival. "What is with you Devils and being so fucking kinky- I mean, a maid outfit? _Really_?" "It is my duty as not only the servant of Lucifer, but as the Queen of Sirzechs-Sama to dress appropriately." "Hm. I'll say." I spoke as my eyes roamed her body. "Lucky bastard, that one is." "He has said the same thing time and time again, so I am inclined to believe it."

Well, at least he knows it.

"So, can we get this show on the road hurry this along, or what? I have a shop to run tomorrow here, and I don't feel like spending all night waiting in the backyard of a school." I shudder every time I think about schools(You would too, if you were constantly shoved into one every time you needed to blend into hoomahn society- which happened _far_ too often for my liking. I was just lucky I was able to push off having to go to school to Amaterasu instead this time.), and would rather not spend any more time than absolutely necessary near one. "If everyone is ready, then I shall make the circle to transport us to the celebration." "Yeah, yeah. Let's get this show on the road already." At the confused look sent my way, I sighed and placed a cancer stick in between my teeth. "Mortal idiom used to express the want of a hastening of an event or other some such occurrence." "I see- you humans truly do have a confusing communications system. If you truly wish to express something, merely get to the point and eliminate any unnecessary wording to it." "Yeah, sure, let me get right on that and meet with the high council to tell them to get rid of those arbitrary things for the entire _race_." "Of course. See to it that you do."

And yet _another_ thing lost on these Devils…

"I'm gonna need more smokes than I can hide in this thing…"

* * *

"I was _really_ hoping that alcohol was the one thing these schmucks could get right- you know, considering they are the embodiment of sin, and all." I crinkled my nose in disgust at the piss in my cup that these Devil's called 'The best alcohol in the land' as I stood before the beverage table. "Yeah right- even Caesar's potato whiskey tastes better than this crap." Throwing my cup behind me with a huff, I ignored the venomous glare from the person it happened to land on and made my way through the crowd in the room. "Man, why'd I even come here in the first place? They have nothing I want, I can't really say any of them besides my little kitty are of any good company, and above all, they sure as _hell_ \- yes, I made the pun, you fucking retards- can't entertain me in any fashion." That last comment was more towards the Devils surrounding me giving me glares or annoyed stares that I would make such a pun in the first place over you all, but still- point stands.

"I invoke my right as the Scion of one of the Seventy-Two Pillars, and challenge the victory of one Rias Gremory in our Ratings Game!"

"Well, well. Looks like the clown finally arrived- you'd think with the amount of money the host was paying him, he'd have come sooner." I joked with myself as the crowd parted almost immediately at those words(Conveniently leaving me in the front of the startled group of people and giving me a most enjoyable view of the events that were about to transpire.), letting everyone view the person who spoke(Gonna take a wild guess and say this was Riser- not too sure, never seen him before to make the allusion.), as well as the heiress of the Gremory who was also, _conveniently_ , standing in the middle of the crowded room as well when he made his announcement. "Riser?!" Huh, so I was right. Go me. "What are you doing here, you weren't invited! And what do you mean 'Challenge my victory'? Are you really that much of a sore loser that you have to attempt something as foolish as this?!" "Ooooooh, she told him!" The Devils to my immediate sides looked over at that comment and proceeded to sweatdrop as they found me watching the drama with rapt attention while munching on some popcorn from a bag I had gotten from… _Places_. "Want some?" At their slow shaking of heads in the negative, I shrugged and put my focus back on the show. "Meh. More for me." "It is _you_ , who are foolish, Rias Gremory, because you broke one of the most sacred rules you must follow in a Ratings Game in our match!"

" _What_?!" The princess tried her best to look scandalized at the blatant jab at her honor, but the higher ranking Devils at this party and me could tell she was hiding something. "How DARE you accuse me of not playing fair in our match! I followed every rule to the _letter_!" "That is where you are wrong! As it states in the very first rule of the Ratings Game Rulebook, every participating member of ones Peerage must be a Devil, and after looking into it once a reliable source of mine gave me a tip that you were playing dirty, I found out that not every member of your team was, in fact, a Devil at the time of the game!" As everyone around me starting gasping and over-all gossiping at the revelation of this turn of events, I 'Tsked' and shook my head. "People these days- just can't mind their own business. Though I can't help but wonder who tipped the little birdie off instead of it being the other way around, this time?"

On a completely unrelated note, however, don't look at my recent texts, and ignore the fact that the last person I had contacted with my phone was the Phenex boy…

"Riser Phenex!" Ah, and here was the host coming to greet the entertainment! "What is the meaning of this sudden interruption of this party?" "Ah, Lucifer-Sama! I am afraid that I have to be the bearer of bad news for you today, as I am here to inform you that your little sister has _cheated_ in our Ratings Game." "Lies! Lies and slander!" "That is false, and you know it, Rias!" "Enough!" With a surge of power, the Satan virtually silenced the entire hall as he stepped between the two warring parties(Yes, I am still making puns- I don't care how tense this shit gets, I will stick to my laurels, damn it!) to break off the argument. "You can make stakes all you want, Riser, but do you have any actual _proof_?" "That I do!" Shifting through his pockets for something, he then pulled out a hoomahn phone(Why does he have one when the Devil's have their own magic and technology for communications? No clue, but it sure as hell made my job a lot easier.) and started playing with it. "There, the sword that is- er, _stabbing_ me, for a lack of a better term."

Now, I could have easily gained a picture of any moment in that fight when that sword was being used, such as when it was used to fell his Queen, when it struck down his Bishop-sister, or even when it finally slayed the evil King himself- however, I grabbed a picture of it immediately in use right after he said something along the lines of 'Rape all of the women', and, well, don't really think I need to draw a map depicting exactly where it ended up not soon after all was said and never to be done.

"O-kay…" Even the 'Infallible' Lucifer winced at the graphic photo being put on display for proof, and unconsciously moved his hand to hover around his own groin region. "That's nice, and all, but what am I supposed to be seeing, here?" Here, the Phenex hesitated, looking around at all the party guests, and leaned in to whisper conspiratively with the leader of the Devilish race, making said leader's eyes slowly widen as he quickly looked back at the picture and scrutinized it with a harsh focus, subtly sending a now lightly sweating Rias a disappointed look before sighing and straightening himself up. "It would seem that a few rules during this latest Ratings Game have been… _Bent_ , a bit, and as such, the victory Rias Gremory had achieved days ago has been forfeited." At this statement, the crowd became unruly in outrage and shock, while Riser gave a suddenly very pale redhead an evil grin, while the rest of her Peerage stood at the sidelines, thrown through a loop at this sudden change of events. "And because the victory has been conceded, whether or not the Engagement between herself and Riser Phenex will still officially be put into effect, shall be decided right here, right now, as is tradition in the happenstance that the sacred rules of our Ratings Games should be broken, by a duel…" He looked as if he swallowed a large quantity of lemons, here. "In which the losers life is forfeit to the winners, and any and all possessions, as well, shall be transferred over to the winner of the duel." Now _that_ got my attention, as this just made my whole reason for coming a shit ton easier.

"And because it was Rias Gremory that was said tarnisher of the established rules in this case-" Okay, now he was looking like he was getting jizz shot at into his mouth while his anus was simultaneously getting drilled by a large black fellow. "-Riser Phenex shall get to choose anybody he wants to fight for this Duel, and in the case they lose, Rias Gremory's life is... _forfeit_." Everybody gasped as Riser started to cackle insidiously. "I told you, Rias, that I would have you! And even if you cheated in our Ratings Game, you can't cheat me out of a win THIS time! HAHAHA!" As the crowd started to part to make room for the upcoming duel, Riser grinned maliciously and pointed at a very pale and shaking redhead. "So come on, little Gremory! It's time for our du-" "If I might be so rude as to interrupt?" I coughed as I made my way in between the two trembling heir's of royal family's(Though both were shaking for _completely_ different reasons.) and stared at the Phenex boy. "And who are _you_?!" "Ah, you could say that I am the hoomahn… _Benefactor_ to this here group of Devils- you see, it was I that trained the little kitty-cat in the Peerage you see before you for the so called 'Ratings Game'." At this, he seemed to stop shortly in his rage and gave me a once over. " _You_ were the one that trained that damned she-demon in Rias' Peerage?" "Ah, so you DO know her!" I grinned and rubbed beneath my nose in arrogance. "Yes, it is _I_ that trained the Devil-Neko hybrid to do that to your Peerage!"

Aaaaand the rage was back.

"YOU trained her to do that?!" "Yyyyyep! One-hundred percent of it- well, most of it, anyways. I wanted her to do some MUCH more humiliating things to them, but she was just too kind hearted to do so." As I kept stirring up the pot, I glanced behind me at the confused Neko girl and shook my head at her before returning my attention to the steaming boy in front of me. "Yeah, I had wanted her to rip off their clothes and flaunt them to the entirety of the Devil nation, but, what can you do? Can't turn back time, now, can ya-" "You, you, _you_ -" "You wanna know the funny part? I was actually thinking about hitting them up after the event and taking care of that pesky King of theirs, but now that you're here, I can just cut out the middle-man first thing first!" "I'LL _KILL_ _YOU_!" I just stood there, looking shocked. "Wh-What do you mean? You can't possibly be thinking about actually fighting _me_ for you duel, can you?" He just brought up a hand while grinning vilely while coalescing a large amount of flames into his hand. "I wasn't before, but I certainly am _now_. And I can safely say I'll kill you for this duel of ours, and then Rias will STILL be mine!" As the collected flames quintupled in size, easily enough to dwarf my size as he threw it at me, I smirked before the flames finally engulfed me.

"Hook, line, and _sinker_."

A large explosion was set off, knocking the closest people down onto their asses, while the rest took steps back from the sheer heat of the attack, and as the flames and dust settled, all that was left in a small crater that used to hold a person was a burnt and tattered kimono on the ground. "HA! That felt far better than I had anticipated!" "I hope it did." Riser froze in place, before slowly turning around, watching me roll my shoulder around as I clicked my tongue. "Because that was a _very_ expensive kimono you just destroyed- you know how hard it is to find a Jorōgumo Yōkai to give out it's silk in the first place- and now I am billing _you_ for the damages." The fire chicken, sadly, wasn't as stupid as I had thought and quickly jumped back instead of foolishly attacking when he found I was right behind him. "You said you were a human, and yet you somehow dodged my attack and managed to sneak behind me- what are you, really?!" "Ma, ma." I waved my hand a bit as I adjusted my sleeveless, form fitting black shirt that I had under the formal wear, that went with my white slacks that I wore for pants, and Geta sandals, with my unused hand. "You Devil's and your underestimating the hoomahns- I mean, seriously. I know at _least_ a dozen more that could wipe the floor with you with an arm tied behind their backs." At that, the fire chicken growled and re-collected a mass amount of flames in both hands, this time. "Don't you underestimate me!" He threw the flames at me, but I just scoffed this time and raised a hand. "Come forth, Mirror Alice!" I heard a stifled gasp in the crowd as I also heard a muffled 'Another user-', but ignored it as a full body mirror appeared before me, and took the brunt of the flames, before sending it back, this time twice as fast and twice as powerful.

He didn't so much have time to blink before his own attack came hurtling back at him, slamming straight home and no doubt giving him severe third and maybe even fourth degree burns, but I knew they wouldn't last, so I still rushed over into the smoke cloud and started pounding the ever loving shit out of the punk when I found him. "E-NOUGH!" Though with a flurry of flames, I was forced to retreat as his whole body lit up like a Jack-o-Lantern on Halloween as he seethed at me. "I made the underestimating people mistake back in my last Ratings Game, and I am not going to be doing it again, especially after _that_ little stunt!" As he said that a magic circle appeared in front of him. "Ha! Okay, I don't know what you hope to accomplish with this because I still have my Sacred Gear to shoot anything you have back at you, but go ahead." But even as I said this, he continued his Devilish(CAN'T STOP, WON'T STOP!) grin as his magic circle split into two. "I know."

Okay, so, I don't _exactly_ remember what happened next, because all I can really remember was the fifty or so circles he made and surrounded me with soon after that.

This was gonna _suck_ …

Not too long afterwards, over fifty balls of fire, each making the previous two shows of power he used look like a dolphin next to a whale, shot at me in over fifty different directions, and they were looking for _blood_. "Well… Guess I'm gonna need to pull some miracles out of my ass, huh?" Before anyone could even blink, my Mirror Alice appeared in front of me again, and, not wasting a second, split itself in half and went to cover my back, before both of THOSE mirrors split even more, and surrounded my sides, and, you guessed it, all of them split AGAIN as the four new pieces went above me and covered me there. "Ah, much better." Not being able to stop his attacks already in progress, the tired out male Moltres(Oops, I meant fire chicken, my bad.), could only watch in shock as all his attacks hit only mirrors, and then could only pale as all the mirrors suddenly turned and pointed back at _him_.

"Yeah, this is the part where you _run_ now."

Not that he could, as a veritable tsunami of flames crashed into him, sending his body(Or what was left of it as most was reduced to ash as soon as the flames reached him.) flying backwards and into a wall, dead or unconscious(I know he was out of energy and probably couldn't regenerate anymore, but, well, when you were a rapid healer yourself, you kind of instinctively knew that your kind didn't die easily.), but I was the winner of the short match regardless, and I hummed as the rest of the room was looking on in stunned silence. "Does that mean I get his sister to make Yakitori out of? No? Yes? Bah, whatever, I am more of a KFC guy anyway."


End file.
